Hawk the Slayer: The Last of Her Kind (2025)

Hawk the Slayer: The Last of Her Kind (2025)

Author: Alec Worley | Illustrator: Simon Colby (line) / Gary Caldwell (col) | Page Count: 52

"She is like a child absorbed in her own cruel fantasy, forcing us to play along."

A continuation of Hawk's story set after Watch for Me in the Night (2023). The Last of Her Kind was serialised in 10 consecutive issues of the weekly 2000 AD magazine (#2413-22), for a total of just 52 pages. Rebellion might consider that enough page count for a proper TPB of its own, but it's considerably less than the previous story, so it seems unlikely that it'll get one - not unless there's a similarly-sized third part to add to it.

So I decided to feature it as is, with no official cover art - the pic to the right is Cliff Robinson's cover art of #2419 onto which I added a Hawk the Slayer logo. [1]

Masters of the Universe: The Motion Picture [Comic Adap] (1987)

Masters of the Universe: TMP (1987)

Adaptation: Ralph Macchio (from a screenplay by David Odell) | Illustrators: George Tuska (Pencil) / Art Nichols (Ink) / Evelyn Stein (Colour) | Page Count: 46

"Treachery. Suddenly Skeletor's men were everywhere. Someone must have let them through the defences."

A comic book adaptation of the MotU live action movie (1987) that's illustrated in a style comparable with the minicomics. The basic story is largely the same, but visually it's a million times better than the live action atrocity is. The only exception is Beast Man, who, for some reason, resembles the onscreen version.

I wrote 'largely the same' because there's a few notable differences between the two. I don't know if it was author Ralph Macchio's own doing or if he was working from a screenplay that got further edited in the final cut, but the comic has some interesting scenes that the movie lacks, most of which function as much-needed characterisation and/or attempt to better connect or even remedy the levels of stupid in the story. [1]

The Masters of the Universe Book (2021)

The Masters of the Universe Book (2021)

Author: Simon Beecroft | Page Count: 200

A large format hardcover book (24 x 28 cm, aprrox) published by Dorling Kindersley Ltd.

I've owned plenty of DK books over the years, covering various topics and/or franchises. They typically have lots of quality pictures, in an attempt to detract from the shortage of interesting text. And like a lazy student's homework assignment, in some cases the text that is included is regurgitated content with little emphasis on original thinking.

I expected much the same from The MotU Book, but no, it's really quite good! Author Simon Beecroft seems to have actually cared about what he was writing, and has presented the content in a clear and concise manner. 

It has some real treasures within its pages that make it feel like it was lovingly curated, as opposed to thrown together like many DK books of the past. It's split into chapters, as you'd expect, and within that framework things roughly follow a chronological order.

Masters of the Universe: He-Man: Defender of Grayskull (2005)

MotU: He-Man: Defender of Grayskull (2005)

Genre: Action / Adventure  |  Players: 1  |  Developer: Savage Entertainment

Your objective in Defender of Grayskull, if I'm not mistaken, is to advance through poorly designed and repetitive levels battling bland enemies, employing badly animated sword strikes to end their miserable existence. You can use a roll manoeuvre during combat in an attempt to add variety, but it's not necessary and you'll soon probably grow tired of even that once you discover that that it's quicker to simply lock onto them with L2 (if you're lucky) and hack and slash until they become a crumpled heap.

He-Man's burly physique is referenced often, in the piss-poor animation and in having his every step be accompanied by monotonous heavy footfalls that hammer the player's brain with each laboured step. He can also jump, which enables the awful platform sections to be properly cocked-up. At such times, collision detection in hinted at but largely absent.

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (1983-84)

He-Man and the MotU (1983-84)
Dirs. various | Seasons: 02 | Episodes: 130 (total), approx 23 mins each.

In theory, writing about the original MotU TV series should be a simple task because it isn't a difficult series to describe —  it's a mix of High Fantasy and Science Fiction, wrapped up in a 1980s bun — but the characters and their world have been such a defining part of my life that finding the words is proving to be difficult. It'll probably sound ridiculous, but if I could reach deep into my soul and paste that onto the page, much of what's there would be MotU-shaped.

Within the colourful blobs of joy would be identifiable forms. There'll be one that looks like a stone castle with a skull entrance. Next to it would be a jagged mountain with a giant snake wrapped around it. Elsewhere, you'd see a large cat the size of a lion, but green with orange stripes, and red armour on its back and head.

And there would be heroes, different in temperament but each one cut from the same cloth, standing together, poised to defend, strong in spirit and steadfast in purpose as they do their utmost to prevent the forces of evil from realising their selfish goals, lest the innocent suffer. A cliché it may be, but it's a cliché with a true heart, and that heart beats in time with my own. Put simply, I adore 1980s era MotU.

Hawk the Slayer: Watch for Me in the Night (2023)

Hawk the Slayer: Watch for Me in the Night (2023)

Author: Garth Ennis | Illustrator: Henry Flint | Page Count: 128

"Since last you rode those awful paths, the black woods have almost doubled in size..."

Forty-three years! That's how long it took for a sequel to Hawk the Slayer (1980) to emerge. That's quite a span.

The only downside is the continuation is a comic book, not a movie. Wait, that's not a downside. It's quite the opposite, in fact, given how shit-awful modern fantasy movies are. The comic has no CGI, no extended universe crap, and no woke politics. That's a bona fide upside!

Was it worth the wait? No, but it did inspire me to rewatch the movie, so, again, I'm calling it a good thing.

Its story, written by Garth Ennis, of Hellblazer and Preacher fame, feels like an 80s B-Movie, which is how it should feel, in reverence to its predecessor.

It follows Hawk as he reunites with the remaining members of the Table of Five. Together with a couple of newbies, they go to thwart a great evil.

Blackstar (1981)

Blackstar (1981)

13 episodes, approx 22 mins each.

It's well-known among the Masters of the Universe fanbase that some of the toy-line's action figures were repurposed assets from Mattel's own Big Jim franchise, but what's mentioned much less often is that Filmation's animated MotU TV series did some blatant borrowing of its own, from their short-lived Blackstar (1981) TV series, which came out two years before MotU and is in many respects a kind of precursor to the format that MotU settled on.

John Blackstar's origin is entirely different to He-Man's, and he doesn't have a secret dual identity, but the similarities in other areas are numerous and undoubtedly more than mere coincidence.

The show's opening credits provide backstory, which I'll transcribe below, for anyone who's interested:

The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

Dir. Albert Pyun

'It's Sword and Sorcery time!' said my brain when I sat down one Tuesday in October to pick a movie. And lo! It sure as hell was. And I did rejoice.

The story is standard fare, for the most part, with a youth who grows into a formidable warrior (Lee Horsley) after witnessing the murder of his loved ones at the hands of an evil rival (Richard Lynch). As fate and cliché would have it, years later the orphaned swordsman gets an opportunity to exact revenge for the heinous deed, in heroic fashion.

The FX are great, the dialogue is corny — the fanciful v/o narration especially so — and the action is decent. Its biggest gimmick is the hero's tricksy sword, which might make even a Final Fantasy video game character a little envious.

It's 'stupid good' fun for a fan of the genre. But like most such pictures, I don't think it would hold the full attention of anyone who doesn't identify with that particular noun.

NOTE: the promised sequel did eventually appear, albeit almost three decades later, in the form of Tales of an Ancient Empire (2010), starring Kevin Sorbo. I watched the trailer. It looks shit.

The Scorpion King Movies (2002-18)

The Scorpion King Movies (2002-18)

Dirs. Chuck Russell / Russell Mulcahy / Roel Reiné / Mike Elliott / Don Michael Paul

01. The Scorpion King (2002): The Rock's first real acting job is a prequel story to his piss-poor cameo in The Mummy Returns (2001).

The role of Mathayus is perfect for him, playing to his strengths and his abilities. He gets to do most of what he did in the WWE: throw people about, look manly, charm an audience with ease, and deliver the trademark raised eyebrow that makes him look simultaneously smug and endearing.

Kelly Hu saves the costume department some cash by being half-naked most of the time.

The irritating comic relief sidekick role, played by Grant Heslov, isn't as bad as it could've been, but the character can be easily ignored the majority of the time. Ultimately, it's a good 'bad' movie.

Mortal Kombat: Conquest (1998)

Mortal Kombat: Conquest (1998)

Dirs. Various | 22 episodes, approx 44 minutes each.

It's ridiculous to me that so many of the fantasy and/or supernatural TV shows that were aimed at a young adult demographic in the 1990s had secondary characters who were proficient in kung fu, or some other kind of mixed martial arts, no matter their alleged social background; vampire series like Buffy and Angel were the worst offenders.

With MK: Conquest, however, there's a reason so many citizens know kung fu: it's key to their survival. 

Villagers that haven't learned how to defend themselves aren't going to be safe for long. They may as well carry around a sign saying 'easy prey!'

(Alternatively, if they can't fight but are important to the plot, they get temporally saved by the chivalrous heroes... and then usually end up dead anyhow.)

It's set "...centuries ago, in a time of darkness and fury," which translates to an undefined pre-industrial era, in a place called Zhu Zin.

Sorceress (1982)

Sorceress (1982)

Dir. Jack Hill (credited as Brian Stuart)

It's not a phenomenon exclusive to the Sword and Sorcery genre, but in a great many cases the quality of such a film can be measured by the frequency and rapidity by which it feels the need to have its female characters strip naked. In short, the quality tends to be inversely proportional to the tit-count. Sorceress (1982) is very much at the wrong end of that scale.

The plot, such as it is, involves an evil wizard's (Roberto Ballesteros) pledge to kill his first born child in service of his god, and the resultant quest of vengeance undertaken by blessed twin sisters Mira and Mara (Leigh and Lynette Harris, respectively). 

Eraldo Carugati's poster art makes it look fantastic, but the reality is very different. The twins clearly weren't hired for their acting or combat skills, but the weak overdubbing of them — and everyone else — ruins any atmosphere that may have been possible during dialogue scenes. It could've been easier to tolerate that if Jack Hill's direction was any good, but for the most part it's terrible, too.

The Beastmaster: Films (1982-96)

The Beastmaster (1982)

Dir. Don Coscarelli

Many of the elements that made a successful sword and sorcery movie in the 80s are in place, including a wicked high priest (Rip Torn) who uses magic and religion to keep a position of power, a banishment, a trio of scrying hags with a dangerous prophecy, a cool bladed weapon or two, a peaceful village burned to the ground, and a sympathetic hero on a quest for revenge / redemption, but The Beastmaster isn't the genre classic that as a youth I used to think it was.

It's still mostly entertaining, however, with a neat ingredient that separates it from the pack, namely the hero's ability to communicate with animals like some kind of barbarian Dolittle. Inevitably, he makes friends and allies as he journeys toward his ultimate goal, but the most memorable of them all are arguably the smallest ones.

He-Man and the MotU Minicomic Collection (2015)

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

Minicomic Collection (2015)

Authors: Various | Illustrators: Various | Page Count: 1232

"He-Man?! Don't you know how to knock?"

Before it was a successful cartoon series, the Masters of the Universe franchise was a toy line, which is the reverse of how such things tend to operate. With no existing media franchise to draw from and no pre-existing visual world for their new creations to have adventures in, toy makers Mattel had to get creative. They approached DC Comics with an idea, and the Masters of the Universe minicomic format was born.

Included with each toy was a small paperback book (approx 4.25 x 5.5 inches), perfect for tiny hands to hold, that gave the characters some much-needed backstory. Their world was fleshed out, too, as a vibrant Conan-esque setting but with vehicles and technology that was pure sci-fiction. As a kid who was enamoured by all things Sword and Sorcery and loved to read, the pairing felt tailor-made for me.

Lou Ferrigno: Hercules Films (1983-85)

Hercules (1983)

Dir. Luigi Cozzi

Lou Ferrigno is Zeus' chosen one, a hero of the people who's granted incredible strength.

In his quest to save his love, Cassiopea (Ingrid Anderson), from the evil King Minos (William Berger) the champion must overcome trials, battle mechanical titans (really) and face off against evil sorcery.

After an extended creation myth opening that's strangely reminiscent of Richard Donner's Superman (1978), the film goes all out to impress with its manly beards, shiny armour and sexy females. And even though its aspirations are much greater than its achievements, as a fan of 1980s special effects I enjoyed a significant amount of it.

Hawk the Slayer (1980)

Hawk the Slayer (1980)

Dir. Terry Marcel

A cheesy Sword and Sorcery flick that I loved as a kid. I'd a recorded-off-TV VHS copy back in the day, but times have changed and I no longer have a VHS player, so I bought it on Blu-ray and treated my memories to a rewatch in 1080p.

It borrows plot from quite a few different sources, including Tolkien, the Western genre, and a well-known sci-fi film that I refuse to name (hint: it rhymes with bar wars).

John Terry is Hawk, a leading man with an impractically-balanced magic sword, but the script doesn't push him to the fore like you might expect. If you were to add up his screen time, it's probably not much more than some of the other heroes. He's too phlegmatic to be considered charismatic, so it's not much of a loss.

Masters of the Universe: Icons of Evil (2003)

MotU: Icons of Evil: Beast Man (2003)

Author: Robert Kirkman | Illustrator: Tony Moore | Page Count: 39

"Roaarr!"

A quartet of one-shot comics revealing a little of what four of Skeletor's most well-known henchmen got up to prior to becoming a full-time butt of his jibes; I really do mean a little, because there's not a lot of story herein.

The Beast Man issue kicks off with a splash page setting the tone. Thereafter we follow an unnamed blue-skinned magician as he sets out to find the orange furry.

I liked Tony Moore's depiction of Beast Man, he was colourful but fierce and lively, and his facial expressions gave him a kind of personality, one that made his limited intelligence seem somewhat endearing. The angles chosen were also interesting, bringing a sense of spirited energy to Kirkman's deathly-flat writing. Many of the panels had little or no dialogue, but when the writing is as poor as it is here, then it's probably for the best.

Masters of the Universe: Origins of Eternia (2012-13)

Masters of the Universe: Origin of Skeletor (2012)

Author: Joshua Hale Fialkov | Artist: Frazer Irving | Page Count: 21

"The half-breed bastard child of a King and creature the world has deemed sub-human."

A trio of stand-alone comics, each one devoted to a particular MotU character, telling their origin story.

The evil Skeletor leads the way and at first glance it appears to be pretty damn good! But once you get to actually analysing the story the cracks begin to show and it becomes clear that issue one is all about the art.

Frazer Irving's artwork is amazing, perfectly capturing the drama of a single moment, with a modified use of colour to suit the era; e.g. as Skeletor walks the halls of his childhood home the flashbacks triggered by the location have much of the colour drained from them, like you'd sometimes see in a movie. It helps separate the past from the present and adds further commentary on the differences between the child and the man.

It's interesting seeing the genesis of the resentful feelings that skull-face nurtures and uses as strength, but at just 21 pages it's all too brief.

Masters of the Universe (1987)

Masters of the Universe (1987)

Dir. Gary Goddard

I suspect that prior to helming MotU its director Gary Goddard had nurtured a dream of making a Star Wars film, or perhaps he was under instruction by the studio to do his best to emulate it, secretly. Either way, the end result is the same.

If you're wondering how those two franchises could ever fit together... they don’t, and yet the plot, camera angles, costumes and music are all painfully reminiscent of Star Wars. (There's some of Williams’ Superman in there that's even more ill-fitting). I'm not a lover of Lucas' light space opera, so the similarities didn't make me smile.

It's fitting that they dropped the 'He-Man' name from the title, because he's hardly in it. If that wasn't bad enough, most of the story doesn't even take place on Eternia! Insult to injury.

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (2002-04)

He-Man and the MotU: The Complete Series (2009)

39 episodes split over 4 discs (26 in S1 + 13 in S2).

Wisely taking into account how badly The New Adventures of He-Man (1990) was received, Mattel tried a second MotU reboot in 2002 with designs that were less of a departure from the original 1983-85 series. Characters and locations were updated but remained instantly recognisable.

The opening title sequence sets the tone perfectly; it references the old series and then cleverly and effortlessly lets you know in no uncertain terms that this version of MotU is new.

The rebuilding of the franchise is mirrored in the gradual rebuilding of King Randor's Kingdom. The threat of Skeletor necessitates that it be fortified and that loyal subjects are recruited to defend it, meaning the core team members return.

Films based on works by R. E. Howard (1985—)

Red Sonja (1985)

Dir. Richard Fleischer

The She-Devil with a Sword was created by Roy Thomas for Marvel's Conan comic series, but she was based on Red Sonya of Rogatino, a Howard-created character that appeared in a short story titled The Shadow of the Vulture (1934).

Arnold Schwarzenegger co-stars as a tactless barbarian that isn't Conan. My guess is there was some kind of licensing issues behind the scenes, because it's one hell of a missed opportunity, or it would be if the Red Sonja film was better.

The addition of an irritating child character means the sexualised female warrior role is curtailed, but the homophobia remains. Typical.

I can't remember the last time I saw so many polystyrene rocks collected together in one place.