The Chronicles of Narnia: Live Action Films (2005-10)

The Chronicles of Narnia: Live Action Films

Dirs. Andrew Adamson (Films I + II) / Michael Apted (Film III)

01. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005). Aside from a few minor changes and a couple of newly written action scenes — because it's Hollywood and they just can't help themselves — the WMG + Disney version of C.S. Lewis' beloved children's novel is better than I expected it to be.

The first third is excellent, including each of the young actors. Lucy (Georgie Henley) is particularly good, in that she successfully embodies the sense of wonder that a child should feel after finding another world in the back of an old wardrobe.

Things only really begin to slide when the talking CGI animals appear. The great lion Aslan should have a splendour that eclipses all else, but his being rendered in boring CGI most of the time means that he might as well not be there at all.

The unnecessary use of such across the board is a stain on what I feel is otherwise the best filmed version of the novel, to date.

Alice Cooper: Welcome to My Nightmare (1975)

Alice Cooper: Welcome to My Nightmare (1975)

Alice's masterpiece began life as a concept album. It deviated somewhat from the original idea, but, personally, I still regard it as one due to how well its individual parts complement each other, despite their obvious compositional differences. It's like a painting in musical form, layered with vibrant textures and blurred lines that when followed lead back upon themselves.

Not all songs flow into each other effortlessly, but the order in which they're arranged is so deeply ingrained in my mind after decades of listening and re-examination that to remove or shuffle one would ruin the unifying essence that makes each one work alongside its neighbour.

Chariots of the Gods (1970)

Chariots of the Gods (1970 / 2021)

Dir. Harald Reinl

A documentary based upon Erich von Däniken's 1968 book of the same name, a work that was regarded as little more than supposition and pseudoscience by most of the scientific community. Likewise, Dir. Harald Reinl's film also lacks credible evidence to support the claims, but it's more enjoyable than its dog-shit cover might imply.

It posits that aliens may have had a hand in constructing many of the world's most famous ancient landmarks, such as the pyramids in Egypt and the statues of Easter Island.

The claims are often presented as heavily weighed suggestions or questions designed to encourage viewers to arrive at their own conclusions, but the hope is clearly that any such conclusions will be congruous with that of the filmmaker's own. For while it lacks evidence to prove that aliens did contribute, it also shows that we can't prove they didn't.

Regardless of which side of the extra-terrestrial fence you reside on, the documentary has some great footage of both the natural world and its people. The 50th Anniversary Edition (2021) is a new 2K scan from the OCN. That it was released in the 51st year seems entirely fitting.

The Cell (2000)

The Cell (2000)

Dir. Tarsem Singh

J-Lo dives into the mind of a very mentally disturbed, comatose serial killer (Vincent D'Onofrio) hoping to convince him to take her seriously now that she's an actress in a real, genuine, honest to grud film! If she fails to reach and reason with him in time, someone dies.

It's aged badly (or maybe that's me?), and is shallower than it pretends to be — step in it and your toes will barely get wet — but the movie has a few memorable moments, most of which come from D'Onofrio, who has an intensely overbearing cinematic presence. Without him it would be little more than a bunch of pretty moving pictures attached to a plot that draws from The Silence of the Lambs (1991) movie.

Visually, it's both bad and good: the CGI is awful, but many of the visual and optical effects are pretty wonderful, with a surreal quality that on occasion seemed inspired by the likes of the Quay Brothers; there's a tiny bit of Lynch, too.

Chocky Trilogy: TV Miniseries (1984-86)

Chocky Trilogy: TV Miniseries (1984-86)

01. Chocky (1984) | 6 eps, approx 25 mins each is a children's TV drama adapted from the 1968 novel of the same name by John Wyndham.

The series is set in 1980s Britain, and features a young boy named Matthew Gore (Andrew Ellams) who's contacted by the titular Chocky, a highly intelligent extra-terrestrial being.

Chocky speaks only to Matthew, using him to ask unusual questions of the adults. The change in his behaviour soon draws attention to the boy.

I first watched it as a child myself, of about ten or eleven-years-old. It was intriguing and somewhat frightening, and because of that combination it stayed in my memory as I grew older. Since then I've assimilated so much sci-fi that the basic concept no longer seems particularly fresh, but viewing it from an adult perspective, sympathising for the first time with the parents of young Matthew as well as Matthew himself, gave me a whole different insight into what the series was actually about.

Class (2016)

Class (2016)

Dirs: various | 1 Season (cancelled) | 8 episodes, approx 44 mins each.

A Doctor Who offshoot targeted at the Y/A demographic. Previously, we'd had a series for children and one for 'mature' viewers, which is The Sarah Jane Adventures (2008-12) and Torchwood (2006-11), respectively, so it probably made sense to then aim for that valuable middle gap.

I'm not of that age group, so may not be able to connect directly with contemporary concerns of folks that are, but it doesn't matter to me if a story is conceptually for children, teens, or adults - if the work is well-written and/or the characters are engaging, then I can watch and enjoy it.

Class tries hard, with both its relationships and its themes, but I don't feel it's strong enough to appeal to many people outside of the 16-18 y/o audience.

But maybe it was never meant to. Maybe its goals were modest, and it was simply meant to reflect the times in which it was made, without challenging expectations too much. I don't know.

The Cat Returns (2002)

The Cat Returns (2002)

Dir. Hiroyuki Morita

TCR is a spin-off from Ghibli's Whisper of the Heart (1995) film, and while it's not wholly necessary to have watched WotH prior to TCR, it's recommended, nevertheless, because two of TCR's characters were first introduced in WotH. The earlier film is also where you get the back-story of smartly dressed cat Baron Humbert von Gikkingen. If you don't care about any of that, though, you can enjoy TCR on its own merits.

It's the story of high-school student Haru Yoshioka, a young girl who seems to be constantly running late for class. She's often disorganised, has a messy room, and is a little clumsy. But she has a kind heart, is a good friend, and looks out for animals in need, all of which are positive, inspirational traits.

A selfless act at a busy road earns her the gratitude of the Cat Kingdom, which turns out not to be as welcome a blessing as it may sound.

Chocky (1968)

Chocky (1968)

Author: John Wyndham | Page Count: 164

"An open mind is a difficult thing to keep."

My first experience of John Wyndham's fiction was the 1984 children's TV drama adaptation of his Chocky novel. Now, a great many years after that memorable encounter, I enjoyed it again in its original medium.

It's the story of an adopted eleven-year-old boy named Matthew Gore. Like many youths his age, Matthew has an active imagination. When his father overhears the boy holding what seems to him to be one side of a two-way conversation, he suspects it's that aspect in play. The truth, however, turns out to be much stranger.

The father, David, is the narrator of events. We learn about Matthew both through his personal observations and those of his wife, Mary, when the two compare their feelings and fears about the boy's changing behaviour.

Constantine: TV Series (2014-15)

Constantine: TV Series (2014-15)

Dirs. Various | Episodes: 13, approx 43 mins each.

A short-lived live action TV series based on the long-running Hellblazer comic book, but named after its main character, a spell-casting exorcist from Liverpool named John Constantine. It's more faithful to the source material than the 2005 US movie of the same name is, but does still do its own thing from time to time.

In addition to being an exorcist he's also a demonologist, an occult detective, and even a bit of a con-man, if the situation requires it.

On the surface he doesn't seem to be the kind of person it would be wise to put any trust in, but he's a humanitarian at heart. If someone is plagued by demons and they really don't deserve such attentions, he'll often go the extra mile to help them resolve the situation.

If he can smite a demon or two in the process, send them back to the hell that they crawled from, then that's all the better for John.

Commando (1985)

Commando (1985)

Dir. Mark L. Lester

I'd never watched Commando in its entirety before, so purposefully chose to do so. I took one for the team - except I'm the only member of the team, so the misery was all mine.

After a series of quick executions of men that seem to have no connection initially, we're subjected to an Arnie muscle montage as he carries half a tree back to his picture perfect cabin in the great outdoors. As introductions go, it's terrible. But what follows is worse.

Namely, a laughable montage of clumsy scenes in which Mr Schwarzenegger and his daughter (Phoebe Halliwell before she got her witchy powers) enjoy the peace and quiet, idealised by their feeding a young deer in a scene that would make Bambi retch. It's the kind of single parent utopia that only exists in bad fiction.

The Sandman Presents: The Corinthian (2001-02)

The Corinthian: Death in Venice (2001-02)

Author: Darko Macan | Illustrator: Danijel Zezelj | Page Count: 74 (total)

"What a curse the self is."

Another three-issue 'limited series' released under The Sandman Presents banner, this time featuring 'the dark mirror to humanity' himself, The Corinthian, recognisable in the white suit and dark glasses ensemble that he so favours, making him reminiscent of Andrew Eldritch in a Floodland (1987) era Sisters of Mercy music video.

The walking nightmare is in Venice, city of canals, bridges, and honeymooners, among other things. He's not the only wicked thing walking the famous city's streets, but he has a singular goal that is unique to him, and he's no qualms about using others in pursuit of it.

Prior knowledge of the character's origins will be helpful; for that you'll need to have read The Sandman: Volume II: The Doll's House (1991), at the very least.

Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos (1987)

Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos (1987)

Authors: Jo Duffy / Howard Mackie | Illustrators: Steve Ditko / Jon D'Agostino / Alex Saviuk

"They're called nunchakus, and Chuck Norris himself taught me how to use them..."

The Karate Kommandos (1986) cartoon series lasted for five episodes, but it had a life beyond that in both an action figure line by Kenner and a comic book courtesy of Star Comics (an imprint of Marvel) that managed just four issues, but it's somewhat surprising that it existed at all, given how little success its parent series achieved.

The gang's all present, which means friend and mentor Chuck (obviously); twins Pepper and Reed, who spend much of their time together bickering like real siblings; the extremely polite sumo wrestler Tabe, who has an appetite as big as his heart is kind; the Japanese swordmaster Kimo; Wolf (an actual canine); and Chuck's adopted teenage son, the peculiarly named Too Much, who isn't as annoying as he could be, thankfully.

The youth wants to be just like Chuck when he grows up, which is presented as a positive thing. It's likely supposed to relate to Chuck's martial arts success, but is the star of violent action B-Movies really a good role model for school kids?

Critters: Films (1986–)

Critters: Films (1986–)

Of the shovel-load of horror B-Movies that the industry shat out during the 1980s, Critters (1986) directed Stephen Herek was one of the more entertaining ones. It arguably still is. It's basically a sci-fi/horror hybrid with some accidental laughs and some purposeful laughs.

The creatures are like vicious little bastard cousins of the Gremlins. They wreak havoc, as you'd expect, but what makes the film work so well is that the family is at the heart of it. The bitey things don't kill off dumb, screaming, sex-crazed teenagers one by one - they threaten something important, something that's worth fighting for. That makes all the difference.

Critters 2: The Main Course (1988) directed by Mick Garris is set two years after the fuzzy feckers went wild in Kansas. Life goes on for the survivors, but nothing's peaceful for long in B-Movie Land. The space porcupines are back for more, and their numbers have increased

Clone (2010)

Clone (2010)

Dir. Benedek Fliegauf

Films that elicit powerful emotions without the use of words often linger in my mind longer than films that use dialogue for the same. It's mostly because dialogue is a mechanical process that can be as alienating as it is beautiful, whereas silence can break a heart more effectively than a callous word.

The language of Clone (aka Womb) is the language of loss. It’s the story of Rebecca and Thomas (Eva Green and Matt Smith, respectively). When left alone, the emptiness in which Rebecca exists isn't a void - it’s a birthplace waiting for life to happen.

Until then, the heavy silences and recurring symbolism that drive the narrative forward will require a viewer's complete attention.

As is often the case with challenging and controversial works, it holds a lower than deserved rating on movie sites that use aggregate scoring. Personally, I'd score it a perfect 10.

Charmed: Season 1 (1998-99)

Charmed: Season 1 (1998-99)

22 episodes, approx 42 mins each.

Three sisters, the Halliwells, are reunited when they inherit their grandmother's house.

The middle child, Piper (Holly Marie Combs), tries hard to keep the eldest, Prue (Shannen Doherty), and the youngest, Phoebe (Alyssa Milano), from constantly butting heads, but with underlying abandonment issues needing to be worked through, it proves difficult.

The trio soon discover that their ancestors, stretching back for many years, were good witches and that they've inherited the gift.

Known collectively as The Charmed Ones, the revelation brings the bickering sisters together, and as they explore their newfound powers they begin to bond like never before.

Classics Illustrated: The War of the Worlds (2008)

Classics Illustrated: The War of the Worlds (2008)

Author: H.G. Wells | Adaptation: Harry Miller | Illustrator: Lou Cameron | Page Count: 49

'There being no further movements from the pit, horror gave way to an uncontrollable curiosity and I began moving closer.'

For thirty years (1941-71) the Classics Illustrated comic books adapted literary classics into the comic book medium for a younger audience to enjoy. (It can be more accurately thought of as 'Classics Adapted, Illustrated and Abridged', but that's not a catchy title.)

Originally issue #124, H.G. Wells' science fiction novel The War of the Worlds (1897) was chosen to be the first issue in a digitally recoloured reprint for a modern audience. I'm not an advocate of recolouring artists' works, but if it helps younger readers discover the stories of yesteryear, then I'll roll with it as best I can.

I won't be attempting a traditional story synopsis, but will share some thoughts on the book, in general.

Coma (2005)

Coma (2005)

Dirs: Various | 5 episodes, approx 55 minutes each.

A South Korean miniseries set mostly inside a hospital that's almost completely abandoned, having recently been marked for closure.

A young professional woman named Yoon Young (Lee Se Eun) is sent into the hospital to check insurance criteria are being met by the few remaining staff members, all of whom are suspiciously reticent about why there's a single female patient still in the ward. The patient, Lee So Hee (Cha Soo Yun), is in a coma, unable to speak for herself.

Investigating why So Hee is there and why she's in a comatose state opens a door to a horror/mystery that leads to a dramatic and creepy conclusion. If you have a morbid fear of hospitals, you may want to avoid watching.

Chacun son Cinéma (2007)

Chacun son Cinéma (2007)

English Translation: To Each His Own Cinema

An anthology that contains over thirty short films by as many different directors, commissioned to celebrate six decades of the Cannes Film Festival. Each work is approximately three minutes in length and was supposed to represent the director's "state of mind [...] as inspired by the motion picture theatre." I'll put the full list of contributors below the cut for anyone that wants to view them all.

My 'Admit One' was for Takeshi Kitano and David Cronenberg, neither of which turned out to be essential. The ones that moved me most were Alejandro Iñárritu's 'Anna' and Abbas Kiarostami's 'Where is my Romeo?', both of which had more emotion than the others combined. Also, I really liked Chen Kaige's 'Zhanxiou Village'.

A lot of them take place inside a theatre with crucial scenes from actual films being projected onscreen, so be prepared for some spoilers.

Crash (1973)

Crash (1973)

Author:  J.G. Ballard | Page Count: 185

"The intimate time and space of a single human being had been fossilized for ever in this web of chromium knives and frosted glass."

Crash is a subversive novel about a film-maker named James Ballard (the same as the author) who meets a deviant named Robert Vaughan. The longer Ballard spends in Vaughan's company the more influenced by him he becomes. He's soon happily entwined in a secret world of car crashes and illicit sex, and as a result his own sexual ideals begin to change dramatically.

Robert Vaughan is a character seen previously in The Atrocity Exhibition (1970). He was a perverted weirdo there and he's much the same here. He surrounds himself with like-minded individuals, the reasons for which will become clear the more of the book you read.

Crash (1996)

Crash (1996)

Dir. David Cronenberg

Open marriage couple James and Catherine Ballard (James Spader and Deborah Kara Unger) have an active but unrewarding sex life together. A series of unplanned events introduce and lure the duo into a bizarre subculture of people who fetishise car crashes. The activities undertaken are consensual within the group, but their hidden world is hazardous to our world.

Reading the J.G. Ballard novel (1973) upon which Crash is based wasn't much fun for me, but it was essential to understanding the otherwise impenetrable aspects of the film. Somehow Cronenberg translated the insipid moments into filmic intensity.

He distorts the traditional role of the viewer by putting us too close for comfort, turning viewer into voyeur - a position of distanced participation. It's uncomfortable and I believe the main reason that most people shy away from even discussing the film in public. It's a shame, because it's a powerful work with some outstanding acting, but it'll take a very open-minded person to see past the taboo wall.