The New Adventures of He-Man (1990)

The New Adventures of He-Man (1990)

65 episodes, approx 23 mins each.

Jebus, it's really bad. It's not even funny-bad. It's just shit. If you find it on sale for a few notes and actually buy it, then it's the seller who got lucky, not you. I suffered the twenty best episodes as voted for by fans of the series. It's all I could bear to watch. It would be more appropriate to call them twenty of the least worst. I know because I watched most of it on TV the first time around.

New Adventures' version of He-Man is an imposter with a scaled down physique and a different Power Sword. (He isn't really an imposter, but for my own peace of mind I like to pretend that he is.) It continues the story from the original Filmation series, so you'd expect that to mean it's faithful to the character if not the design. But no, it isn't.

The first episode sets up the series: a small group of humans from a future society travel back in time to Eternia. Their mission is to convince a hero to leave his home and help protect the last humans on the planet Primus from the mutant bad guys of a neighbouring world called Denebria.

Adam, never once suspecting an evil plot, is convinced in mere seconds. He bids his parents farewell and sets off for a brave new sci-fi world, and the New Adventures begin.

-He-Man looking either pensive or ashamed. My guess is it's definitely the latter.-

But wait! Oh no! Skeletor (another imposter who isn't) gets his bony ass dragged through the same portal. Worst luck. If he'd stayed on Eternia, then he probably could've finally conquered Castle Grayskull and plucked the Sorceress' wings once and for all. What a boob!

-Who's that guy and why is he on my screen? That's Skeletor. I shit you not.-

Stylistically, it's like a late 80s anime tailored to appeal specifically to the West, with space scenes that resemble a poor man's Gundam. He-Man's new allies, the Galactic Guardians, are bland and forgettable. I've come this far, so I might as well provide a picture of them, too.

-From left to right: Mr Mediocre; Mr Banal; Mr Dreary; Mr Drab; Mr Trite.-

Voice work is functional; it's better than a typical anime dub of the era but that's hardly a recommendation. The one positive thing I have to say is that there's some continuity from one crap episode to the next crap episode.

"The way of the magic will be my co-pilot." Really, He-Man? Really? Get out of my house!

The entire series has 65 episodes, approx 23 mins each (1398 mins in total). If you make it through even half of them, then you're a genuine hero, unlike imposter He-Man.