Tomb Raider: Movies (2001-18)

Tomb Raider: Movies (2001-18)

Dirs. Simon West (I) / Jan de Bont (II) / Roar Uthaug (III)

01. Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) is a typical summer actioner, but unlike some other video game adaptations it at least makes an effort to reference its origins: the Manor, exotic locations, impossible jumps that require crucial timing, puzzle solving, and dual-wielding gun-play are all reminiscent of the games that inspired it.

Unfortunately, it also carries over some of its parent genre's failings, including a feeling that the person directing the non-playable bits hasn't got much of a clue about how to construct and pace a successful action scene. That's particularly true for the opening, but, thankfully, things gradually get better as the movie goes on.

The story is a globe-trotting adventure born from the pursuits and hobbies of the super-rich (on both sides of the equation). It's basic stuff.

Tactical Unit: The TV Movies (2008-09)

Tactical Unit: The TV Movies (2008-09)

Dirs. Various (see below)

Note: Five TV Movies that followed Johnnie To's PTU (2003). You don't need to have seen PTU in order to follow the story of each TU movie, but it might be helpful and it's such a good film that I feel compelled to encourage a viewing, anyhow.

Tactical Unit TV Movies in the order released:

01. In Tactical Unit: The Code (2008), directed by Wing-Cheong Law, three members of the PTU are captured on CCTV while beating up a civilian (i.e., crook), but the picture is grainy and their faces aren't clear. While an internal division that deals with corrupt cops tries to uncover the truth, the guilty trio hunt for the one man who can identify them: the man that they left bleeding in an alley. Ultimately, it's a race against time for both parties.

PTU: Police Tactical Unit (2003)

PTU: Police Tactical Unit (2003)

aka Tactical Unit: Into the Perilous Night

Dir. Johnnie To

A small team of Hong Kong Police Tactical Unit troopers search the streets for a comrade's missing gun over the course of one eventful night. They're the typical scumbag law enforcers that are common the world over, the kind that's ordinarily difficult to sympathise with, and yet somehow Dir. Johnnie To encourages viewers to do just that; and with each incremental, upwards notch of the danger level, one can stay fixedly right alongside them.

It didn't have a huge budget, but it evidently didn't need one. Instead, PTU has enough dramatic style and subtle humour to keep the meticulously paced slow burn of the story engaging until the various threads of the story meet and it becomes more than the sum of its parts; like the roads of a busy city, its avenues and pathways are interconnected.

There's music occasionally (by Chung Chi-wing) but mostly the sounds of the night-time streets are what's heard, functioning as another subtle but perfect connection to the environment.

Transporter: The Series: Season 2 (2014)

Transporter: The Series: Season 2 (2014)

12 episodes, approx 45 minutes each.

Much changed between Season One and Two and not all of it's good change. Frank's (Chris Vance) attitude toward his job is the same — he's still a practical, matter-of-fact guy with a plan that tends to go tits-up before the halfway point — but now he's more like James Bond in how he goes about things.

I suspect that behind the scenes someone actually said 'Let’s make him more James Bond,' and they did, sadly. The B-Movie charm that existed previously is compromised, replaced by a TV production with aspirations of being a secret agent movie.

There are personnel changes, too. Carla (Andrea Osvárt), the woman that functioned as a mysterious liaison between the transporter and the often shady customer, is replaced by Catarina Boldieu.

Catarina (Violante Placido) does a similar job, but she's more active than Carla was. Her multilingual skills are an asset to Frank, so he occasionally has a need for her to accompany him on jobs.

Torchwood: TV Series (2006-11)

Torchwood (2006-11)

Dirs: various | 4 Seasons | 41 episodes, approx 44-57 mins each.

A Doctor Who offshoot that was targeted at a more mature audience than its parent series. In theory that's an interesting prospect, but in reality the definition of 'mature' seems to have been derived from a yobbish, vulgar, and sex-obsessed teenager's personal diary.

Season 01 is particularly bad in that regard, as if the show's writers believed that profanity and multiple references to casual sex were compensation for a well-written script. [1]

Consequently, most of its episodes are a dismal and joyless slog through predominantly bland storytelling, populated with unlikable characters whose traits are more often than not reprehensible and shameful.

I suspect it's more due to blind luck than any kind of skilful plan that it managed not to turn the group's leader, Doctor Who's Captain Jack Harkness (John Barrowman), into the same. [2]

Transporter: The Series: Season 1 (2012)

Transporter: The Series: Season 1 (2012)

12 episodes, approx 45 minutes each.

British actor Chris Vance replaces Jason Statham as ex-SAS man Frank Martin in a spin-off from the Transporter movies. Frank's house is well-ordered and he carries a spare suit in the boot of his car. That's the kind of guy he is. He's also a resourceful driver that transports packages from A to B with no questions asked; discretion is paramount. He lives by his own code and is a stickler for the rules:

01. NEVER CHANGE THE DEAL.

02. NO NAMES.

03. NEVER OPEN THE PACKAGE.

He'll often quote one of them (for the audience's benefit) just a few minutes before breaking it.

Vance's portrayal of the character is more sympathetic than Stath's. He's a sucker for righting an injustice. He needs to be, though, because it isn't just 90 minutes of explosive escapism, it's an ongoing development in which the (anti)hero operates in a grey area of morality and law.

Timecop: TV series (1997-98)

Timecop: TV Series (1997-98)

Dirs. Various | 9 eps, approx 45 mins each.

A short-lived (i.e., quickly cancelled) TV Series based on director Peter Hyams' time-hopping sci-fi action movie Timecop (1994) - the one that's often cited by Jean-Claude Van Damme devotees as being one of his better efforts.

Personally, I thought he brought nothing of value to the role that many equally physical actors couldn't have did just as well, or better.

The story relied on clichés built atop clichés and the comic-booky plot frequently made little sense and/or contradicted its own established rules. In short, I thought it was shit. But the concept had some mileage, so a TV Series without JCVD was something I was willing to try. But first, a brief synopsis for anyone not familiar with the movie or the original Dark Horse comic book:

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 4 (2002)

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 4 (2002)

Genre: Sport  |  Players: 1-2  / Up to 8 online  |  Developer: Neversoft

If the shouty parts of the internet are to be believed, a majority of Tony Hawk game fans consider Tony Hawk's Underground (2003), aka THUG, to be the turning point for the franchise, the game where it went from strength to shambles. I differ in that I feel THPS 4 was that point because it was the title that changed the core structure upon which all else was built. THUG just took it to the next (lowest) level.

Gone are the quick 'arcade style' individual runs, replaced by a more open-world, free-skate environment called Career Mode in which tasks or goals have to be initiated by speaking to NPCs, and to do that you first have to find the damned NPCs in the now larger environments.

Making each area more expansive may sound good in theory, but in practice it means that there are less nearby objects to combo to and you have further to travel to find the next goal each time you complete one. You can choose goals from a list in the menu once you've discovered them, but why would you want to do that?

Re\Visioned: Tomb Raider Animated Series (2007)

Re\Visioned: Tomb Raider Animated Series (2007)

10 episodes, approx 6 minutes each.

An anthology of short animated tales featuring the virtual bra-busting Brit, Lara Croft, from a number of different writers and animators. See the end of post for a full list of names. [1]

Each creator puts their own unique spin on the Lara character, which range from the wonderfully inventive (Keys to the Kingdom) to the piss-poor self-parody (Revenge of the Aztec Mummy).

None of them bother to waste time giving her any back-story or history. They assume that most viewers will already have knowledge of that from the games. The short format really doesn't allow for that kind of exposition, anyhow.

Brief (and biased) thoughts on each episode are below the cut, if you care to know more.

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 (2001)

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 (2001)

Genre: Sport  |  Players: 1-2  / Up to 4 online (PS2 only)  |  Developer: Neversoft

I won't bore anyone reading this with the tragic tale of where my first PS2 console went, a reliable as hell OG Phat version, but some years ago I bought a Slim version from eBay primarily for one reason: to play THPS 3 again.

THPS 1 and 2 on the original PlayStation console were both fun games, but sometimes even the simplest action was more difficult to do than it ought to have been, and the frame rate was inconsistent on the larger levels.

On the surface THPS 3 on PS2 doesn't do much radically different from its predecessors, but to play it is to discover that Neversoft successfully honed the formula to near perfection - basically, everything except the tricky frame rate.

The Sandman Presents: Thessaly - Witch for Hire (2005)

Thessaly - Witch for Hire (2005)

Author: Bill Willingham | Illustrator: Shawn McManus | Page Count: 96

"Anything that exits can be destroyed in some way. It's just a matter of finding the right sprig of mistletoe."

Witch for Hire picks up the story of the last of the Thessalian witches two years after the end of The Thessaliad (2002), a four-issue miniseries that you can also find collected in the Taller Tales (2003) TPB.

If you haven't read the previous adventure, there's some catch-up text at the beginning to get you up to speed.

If you have read it, you'll maybe remember the big unanswered question surrounding the main supporting character. Bill Willingham expands upon that aspect.

Fetch is back, like a bad smell carried by an ill-wind, with a complement of ideas above his station (his station being that he's dead - that's not a spoiler).

The Sandman Presents: Taller Tales (2003)

The Sandman Presents: Taller Tales (2003)

Author: Bill Willingham | Illustrators: Mark Buckingham / Peter Gross / Paul Pope / Michael Kaluta / Phil Jimenez / Adam Hughes / Linda Medley / Marc Laming / Zander Cannon / Albert Monteys / Daniel Torres / Shawn McManus / Duncan Fegredo / Kevin Nowlan / Jason Little / Niko Henrichon | Page Count: 224

'A bestial song of Darwinian law in six-part harmony. A celebration of the never-ending, inescapable gospel of tooth and claw.'

Taller Tales gathers into one book a small collection of the many post-Sandman stories. There's some one-shots, a complete mini-series, and a single issue of the long-running but now defunct monthly The Dreaming.

Each of the individual publications may still lurk in specialist comic shops, but why spend more than the cover price when you can have them in an advert-free TPB? In the order presented:

01. Merv Pumpkinhead, Agent of D.R.E.A.M. (2000) is a one-shot in which Merv recounts an unlikely story of derring-do in which he's the one daring and doing. I like Merv, but a James Bond parody isn't something that stays in my memory long. Most of the actual Bond movies are like parodies of themselves, so besides the hero having a pumpkin for a head, there really isn't much difference.

Stephen King's The Tommyknockers (1993)

The Tommyknockers (1993)

Dir. John Power | 2 episodes, approx 90 mins each

(There's also a heavily cut 120 mins edition)

A TV miniseries based on Stephen King's 1987 novel of the same name. It's a little unusual for the author because it's science fiction, not horror.

More accurately it's a throwback to the kind of stories that were plentiful in the 1950s, with some additional ideas from the 1970s, both of which were eras when science fiction had something important to say. The main difference is that this version of King's story has very little to say about anything, as far as I could tell. If there was some deep, hidden message, then I missed it.

The set-up is why I continually return to these cheap TV adaptations, even though they rarely ever work out. The potential that exists as the story opens and the ways in which King builds drama, by drip-feeding the viewer just enough interesting content to keep them in their seat, is always the best part. In The Tommyknockers' case, when it focuses on the effects more than the cause, it's enjoyable. That enjoyment is both heightened and tainted by the most prevalent unknown factor: when exactly is it all going to turn to shit?

The Legend of Zelda Manga: Legendary Ed. Vol. 05 (2017)

Four Swords: Parts 1 and 2 (2004)

Author and Illustrator: Akira Himekawa | Page Count: 370

"There's a new Link in this chain!"

I've not played the Four Swords Adventures (2004) game because the stores near where I lived didn't stock it and I didn't have access to online retailers back then, but after reading the two-part adaptation, I'm wishing that I could play it right now!

After some brief but satisfying establishing of Link's uppity nature and his friendship with Princess Zelda, the Big Bad is unleashed and the adventure begins.

The environments will be familiar to anyone that's played any of the previous games (Town / Mountain / Ice / Desert regions, etc) but that familiarity didn't result in reader apathy because the situations that the Links find themselves in held my attention completely.

The comedy is situational and more often than not caused by some kind of confrontation; it's rarely the goofy kind that I complained about in Oracle of Seasons (2001), so it's much more enjoyable.

The Legend of Zelda Manga: Legendary Ed. Vol. 04 (2017)

The Minish Cap (2006) / Phantom Hourglass (2009)

Author and Illustrator: Akira Himekawa | Page Count: 374

"The road you travel will be dangerous. Take this."

Series protagonist Link is always recognisable in his green duds and pointy hat, but he's not always the same Link. There are exceptions, of course, such as the one in Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask, but mostly the character is different in each game. It's not a drastic change; it's more of a variation on a theme.

Akira Himekawa applies the same principle to each of her Links in the mangas. In The Minish Cap's case the artwork is one-hundred percent chibi. It would've made sense to draw certain parts of it that way, but unfortunately it's used from beginning to end.

I'm not a fan of the exaggerated art style, but judging by the level of excellence shown in the previous books I'm guessing that it's at least good chibi?

The Legend of Zelda Manga: Legendary Ed. Vol. 03 (2017)

Majora's Mask (2001) / A Link to the Past (2005)

Author and Illustrator: Akira Himekawa | Page Count: 402

"As long as I see that in the sky, I can't rest."

Majora's Mask continues the story told in Ocarina of Time (2000). Link enters a mysterious forest searching for his missing fairy, Navi, but trouble ensues and the 'Hero of Time' ends up in a situation wherein he has just three days to stop a major disaster or everyone caught in the impact will die.

The way the Nintendo 64 game is structured doesn't make any kind of linear adaptation easy, so Akira Himekawa took the only sensible route open, which was to focus on the acquisition of those masks that directly alter Link and ignore all but the most pertinent side-quest, i.e. the one that offers the most opportunity to pluck at the heartstrings. If you've played MM, you can likely guess which one that is.

Consequently, a lot more changes have been made to the story than was made to Ocarina of Time, but in most cases they were arguably unavoidable and, as before, they're very respectful.

The Legend of Zelda Manga: Legendary Ed. Vol. 02 (2017)

Oracle of Seasons / Oracle of Ages (2001)

Author and Illustrator: Akira Himekawa | Page Count: 386

"Use your left hand! Your left!"

The two 'Oracle' Game Boy Colour games that were released simultaneously in 2001 got their own individual manga adaptation. The games were connected but also cleverly designed to be enjoyed independently in whichever order the player chose.

You could say the same of the two books — originally published separately — but it makes slightly more sense to read Seasons before reading Ages. Whether by coincidence or design, the featured Legendary Edition also presents the two books that way.*

Oracle of Seasons begins in Hylia. Link balks at the suggestion that he should practice his sword skills more fervently. He doesn't yet understand why Hyrule needs knights who are willing to lay their life on the line to protect its citizens, but the power of the Triforce will soon change all that…

The Legend of Zelda Manga: Legendary Ed. Vol. 01 (2016)

Ocarina of Time: Parts 1 and 2 (2000)

Author and Illustrator: Akira Himekawa | Page Count: 378

"You're certainly popular with the ladies."

The first TLoZ manga from Akira Himekawa* was a two-part work based on the excellent Nintendo 64 game of the same name. The Legendary Edition reprint collects both manga into one larger format HB book, with better paper and some additional colouring.

It essentially tells the same story as the game but there are some differences in how characters are introduced, none of which I found to be in any way disrespectful to its source. In fact, I feel the opposite was true - the narrative makes new connections between existing characters, enabling some very successful emotional moments to surface as a result.

The drama is never underplayed but nor does it take itself too seriously; it has an occasional playful laugh at its own expense (e.g. see the quote above).

The artwork is excellent; even the rough sketches that are included are fantastic! Child Link world has a different feel than Adult Link world and the danger level in each reflects that.

Tremors: The Series (2003)

Tremors: The Series (2003)

13 episodes, approx 43 minutes each.

The short-lived series takes place after the events of Tremors 3: Back to Perfection (2001), so it's advisable to watch T3 first. I'm going to proceed under the assumption that you already have. If not, then any SPOILERS that you encounter for the first three films from this point onward are encountered at your own discretion.

Were back in Perfection Valley, Nevada, home of gun-loving Burt Gummer (Michael Gross) and his very own Moby Dick, the state protected Graboid known as El Blanco. The small community refuse to move and the indigenous El Blanco is unable to move because of the mountainous regions that are located on either side, so a co-existence between man and beast is the only viable answer.

Luckily, for us viewers but not for the residents, Perfection Valley has other secrets under its sands, so there's more than just El Blanco to keep the watchful eye and trigger-finger of Burt Gummer twitching.

Twisted Sister: Live at Wacken: The Reunion (2005)

Twisted Sister:

Live at Wacken: The Reunion (2005)

Dir. Dave Streicher

Something about A.J. Pero's snare sound seems a little off at the beginning, at least it does to my ears, but thankfully his timing isn't and as the live show goes on everything gets progressively better.

Jay Jay French and Eddie Ojeda are both on point, while Mark Mendoza pounds the bass like the 'animal' he's named for. If you didn't know prior to watching how long Twisted Sister had been apart, you'd be hard-pushed to guess from the performance alone.

But best of all, frontman Dee Snider hasn't lost any of his passion. And it's uncanny how much of his lyrics, penned decades ago, are fitting to a reunion occasion.

♪ You thought it was gone / But the fire goes on. ♪

The filmed version of the Wacken gig isn't just music; it's intercut by each member separately discussing the breakup and eventual road to reformation. As a fan of both the band and the documentary format I found it interesting, but I'd prefer that kind of thing be on a separate disc and have the live performance presented in full and uninterrupted.