Pumping Iron + Pumping Iron II (1977-85)

Pumping Iron (1977)

Dirs. George Butler + Robert Fiore

A documentary's success is appreciable when it not only pleases its target audience but also holds the attention of a viewer who ordinarily has zero interest in the topic onto which it turns its lens.

Such it is with me and body building, a sport / discipline that I care nothing for. But the spotlight cast on the lifestyle by film-makers George Butler and Robert Fiore makes fascinating viewing.

The egos, arrogance, and rivalries are there, but they're balanced by a huge amount of competitor encouragement and friendly advice. How much of it was chosen for that specific purpose is unknown.

What comes through the most is that an unshakeable belief in oneself is just as important to success as hours spent gurning at the gym.

Commando (1985)

Commando (1985)

Dir. Mark L. Lester

I'd never watched Commando in its entirety before, so purposefully chose to do so. I took one for the team - except I'm the only member of the team, so the misery was all mine.

After a series of quick executions of men that seem to have no connection initially, we're subjected to an Arnie muscle montage as he carries half a tree back to his picture perfect cabin in the great outdoors. As introductions go, it's terrible. But what follows is worse.

Namely, a laughable montage of clumsy scenes in which Mr Schwarzenegger and his daughter (Phoebe Halliwell before she got her witchy powers) enjoy the peace and quiet, idealised by their feeding a young deer in a scene that would make Bambi retch. It's the kind of single parent utopia that only exists in bad fiction.

The Terminator: Films (1984-2003)

The Terminator (1984)

Dir. James Cameron

Cameron's sci-fi actioner sits comfortably as the archetype for movies about murderous humanoid machines from the future that travel back in time to kill someone important, thus changing their own present in a favourable way. Linda Hamilton is the target. Schwarzenegger is the instrument.

Playing to the big man's strengths (i.e. he hardly speaks), the role is largely responsible for his career taking off as much as it did. It's clear to see why. He's perfect. His natural ability to be indelibly domineering helped the character seem totally inhuman. His physicality was translated successfully into a show of almost unstoppable force - his unwavering attitude arguably even more memorable than his iconic coat and glasses.

It's not a flawless movie, but by 1984 standards it was certainly a damn good one and is still mostly deserving of the accolades it continues to receive.

Films based on works by R. E. Howard (1985—)

Red Sonja (1985)

Dir. Richard Fleischer

The She-Devil with a Sword was created by Roy Thomas for Marvel's Conan comic series, but she was based on Red Sonya of Rogatino, a Howard-created character that appeared in a short story titled The Shadow of the Vulture (1934).

Arnold Schwarzenegger co-stars as a tactless barbarian that isn't Conan. My guess is there was some kind of licensing issues behind the scenes, because it's one hell of a missed opportunity, or it would be if the Red Sonja film was better.

The addition of an irritating child character means the sexualised female warrior role is curtailed, but the homophobia remains. Typical.

I can't remember the last time I saw so many polystyrene rocks collected together in one place.