Delta Force: Movie Trilogy (1986-91)

Delta Force: Movie Trilogy (1986-91)

Dirs. Various

01. Much of the first movie takes place onboard an aeroplane in flight, with an ensemble cast that's underused. Chief hijacker Abdul (Robert Forster) is moustachioed and menacing, but he didn't reckon on the Deltas doing their thing.

The opening shot sets the movie's tone perfectly, for good or ill. The scene that follows, wherein special ops member Scott McCoy (Chuck Norris) does what other men won't, reinforces it tenfold: it's 80s action from Canon Films with rugged men and many guns (Dir. Menahem Golan).

The team wear covert black duds with a bright US flag patch on the arm lest the audience forget who they're cheering for, or the enemy forget who to shoot. Gotta keep those bullets flying.

If they get tired walking they have motorcycles that shoot mini-missiles. Abdul and his cronies are boned - even if Chuck is perpetually late to the party and Silvestri's music sucks.

Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos (1987)

Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos (1987)

Authors: Jo Duffy / Howard Mackie | Illustrators: Steve Ditko / Jon D'Agostino / Alex Saviuk

"They're called nunchakus, and Chuck Norris himself taught me how to use them..."

The Karate Kommandos (1986) cartoon series lasted for five episodes, but it had a life beyond that in both an action figure line by Kenner and a comic book courtesy of Star Comics (an imprint of Marvel) that managed just four issues, but it's somewhat surprising that it existed at all, given how little success its parent series achieved.

The gang's all present, which means friend and mentor Chuck (obviously); twins Pepper and Reed, who spend much of their time together bickering like real siblings; the extremely polite sumo wrestler Tabe, who has an appetite as big as his heart is kind; the Japanese swordmaster Kimo; Wolf (an actual canine); and Chuck's adopted teenage son, the peculiarly named Too Much, who isn't as annoying as he could be, thankfully.

The youth wants to be just like Chuck when he grows up, which is presented as a positive thing. It's likely supposed to relate to Chuck's martial arts success, but is the star of violent action B-Movies really a good role model for school kids?

The Way of the Dragon (1972)

The Way of the Dragon (1972)

Dir. Bruce Lee

Sometimes titled with the definite article and sometimes without, The Way of the Dragon is the film in which Bruce Lee fights Karate champion Chuck Norris in a Roman coliseum while a kitty cat spectator sits on high.

Beyond that it's basically the same old story: Bruce's character arrives from overseas and helps some family members that are being exploited (this time they're in the restaurant business); there's an attractive woman (the adorable Nora Miao) for him to engage with; a traitorous countryman weasels about; and it culminates in a death match that enables Lee to show how bad-ass he really was - his fists are lightning fast during the fight with Chuck.

Even though poor Chuck only gets three words of dialogue he makes an impression.

It was the only film that Bruce got to direct before he died; he did well, especially on the finale. He also wrote, co-produced and is credited as martial arts director. The commentary on styles and how a student can be proficient in more than one is something he taught in real life.

Payback Time Triple Feature (2017)

Blind Fury (1989)

Dir. Phillip Noyce

Three movies on one Blu-ray disc. There's no special features, but PQ is decent, at least.

First up is Rutger Hauer in Blind Fury (1989), an American remake of Japanese director Kenji Misumi's Zatoichi Challenged (1967) that somehow isn't as bad as I'd feared it would be.
Rutger was a good choice to play the blind swordsman; his cheesy factor is balanced out by his strength of character and his ability to play it wryly comical when needed.

The plot has the sword-wielding Vietnam vet taking on the role of protector to a kid who's wanted by the one-note villains. It's part escort mission and part revenge drama that descends into something resembling an episode of The A-Team that, for me, worked in its favour because I love The A-Team.

Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos (1986)

Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos (1986)

5 episodes, approx 22 minutes each.

Chuck's cartoon counterpart is a United States government operative who moustaches his way through five chucklesome episodes with the help of his ethnic stereotype Karate Kommandos.

Chuck and his righteous team fight for freedom against the evil Claw, the leader of VULTURE and owner of a dangerous metallic fap hand. I've no idea what VULTURE stands for or if it's even an acronym.

The Claw has his own team of subordinates that he sends into battle against the Kommandos; among them is the awesomely named Super Ninja. Being a villain means he's doomed to never win, but with a name like that he's a winner every day of the week.

It's a good thing that the neckerchiefed hero has "nerves of steel and strength to match," because his recklessness gets him into all kinds of near-death scrapes. And it's because of him that his Kommando friends get into fights, too. Sort your shit out, Chuck. It's also rather worrying that he's a role model who teaches by example but allows a teenager with nunchucks on his team! The kid even gets kidnapped more than once. Sheesh.