Critters: Films (1986–)

Critters: Films (1986–)

Of the shovel-load of horror B-Movies that the industry shat out during the 1980s, Critters (1986) directed Stephen Herek was one of the more entertaining ones. It arguably still is. It's basically a sci-fi/horror hybrid with some accidental laughs and some purposeful laughs.

The creatures are like vicious little bastard cousins of the Gremlins. They wreak havoc, as you'd expect, but what makes the film work so well is that the family is at the heart of it. The bitey things don't kill off dumb, screaming, sex-crazed teenagers one by one - they threaten something important, something that's worth fighting for. That makes all the difference.

Critters 2: The Main Course (1988) directed by Mick Garris is set two years after the fuzzy feckers went wild in Kansas. Life goes on for the survivors, but nothing's peaceful for long in B-Movie Land. The space porcupines are back for more, and their numbers have increased

It would've been a mistake to simply rehash the story of the first film with just a different family, so instead part two takes a new approach. It brings back Ug (Terrence Mann) and Lee (Roxanne Kernohan) and a few of the townspeople from before and ups the comedy level, turning it from a straight cheesy science fiction horror into a pretty damn hilarious cheesy science fiction horror that's aware of its own absurd nature and plays up to it. It's without a doubt the most fun I've ever had while watching a Mick Garris feature; he earned himself a genuine silver star.

In Critters 3: You Are What They Eat (1991), directed by Kristine Peterson, the bitey bastard balls of fur terrorise a Los Angeles apartment block in a lazy Towering Inferno (1974) rip-off.

The young actress (Aimee Brooks) that plays the lead does an okay job, and I do enjoy seeing the Critters roll around before launching themselves to latch onto a victim's throat, but there's bugger all else to recommended about part three. It was filmed simultaneously with the fourth film, so you get a 'To Be Continued…' at the end... if you could be bothered.

Critters 4: They're Invading Your Space (1992) is directed by Rupert Harvey. The series began in space, so it makes a kind of sense that it should end there, too. Having vicious aliens loose on a space station is going to draw comparisons with Alien (1979) and Aliens (1986), two films that it apes as best it can with the limited budget and resources that were available.

It's no surprise that it's not very good, but it's virtually impossible to make a completely bad film when you have Angela Bassett and Brad Dourif in the cast. Because of those two, it's best described as a Curate's egg, which is a very apt idiom when you consider the plot.

- Both screencaps are from the first film. I think. Maybe. -

Critters: Bounty Hunter (2014) may not be an official studio-made Critters movie, but it absolutely deserves a mention. It's a short fan film (approx 6.30 mins) written, directed by, and starring Jordan Downey. It has a simplistic plot, but is an extremely well-made and wonderfully lit adventure. And, crucially, you can feel the love that its creators have for the franchise - in addition to Downey, kudos must also go to cinematographer Kevin Stewart, producer Ricky Fosheim, composer Nick Soole, FX artist Troy Smith and flutist Gina Luciani. At time of writing, it's available to watch free on YouTube, if you're interested.

Director Bobby Miller's Critters Attack! (2019) is a reboot that feels cheap, poorly written, is full of clichés and has some pretty weak acting from teens that make a number of stupid decisions, but it's not as bad as it could've been. The black humour is still there, and the crites aren't rendered in lame CGI, like I feared they would be. Russ Howard III's music is decent, too, but there's not enough of it. Dee Wallace has a small role, but her presence lends credibility and adds the suggestion that it's actually a continuation of what went before, not just a reboot.