Getting Any? (1995)

Getting Any? (1995)

Dir. Takeshi Kitano

Comedy doesn't always travel well, especially when many of the gags are reliant on cultural knowledge that a foreign audience may lack.

I'm in that bracket, so keep that in mind when I say the comedy is well-timed but just isn't funny. Its structure is little more than a series of absurd sketches loosely documenting a hopeless man's desire to have sex in a car, but first he needs a car. His leaps of logic in service of his lascivious goal make no sense, but perhaps that's part of the joke(?).

Along the way it parodies various other films, including Lone Wolf and Cub, Zatoichi, kaijū (specifically Mothra), The Fly (1986), and, bizarrely, Ghostbusters (1984), all of which are more enjoyable than Getting Any?.

Judge Dredd: The Movie - Comicbook Adaptation (2025)

Judge Dredd: The Movie - 30th Anni Ed (2025)

Author: Andrew Helfer (based on a screenplay by William Wisher Jr + Steve E. de Souza) | Illustrator: Carlos Ezquerra | Page Count: 80 [1]

NOTE: this post contains spoilers for the Judge Dredd (1995) movie directed by Danny Cannon.

Thirty years after the first Judge Dredd movie took a giant Flesh-sized shit on the franchise that inspired it, its comicbook adaptation got reissued. Why should anyone care? For one good reason: because it was illustrated throughout by Carlos Ezquerra.

Not the cover art - that's by Dermot Power and is the only time it really looks like Sylvester Stallone.

For reasons that I don't know but are probably to do with licensing and/or Hollywood egos, the interior art wasn't allowed to use Stallone's likeness.

But that turns out to be a good thing. The first 4 pages are particularity great. The Judge uniforms and Lawmasters are movie-specific, but otherwise the linework, angles, and colours all work together to make it feel like a proper Ezquerra 2000 AD strip. It's easy to imagine that the city and its people will feel similarly. But then Dredd appears in full on Page 5 and the illusion begins to crack... 🙁

Doctor Who: Modern Era Davros (2008-15)

Doctor Who: Modern Era Davros (2008-15)

NOTE: there are SPOILERS for a number of Modern Era Dr Who stories below this paragraph. It would be advisable not to read any further if you're not okay with that.

Following on from the Classic Era Davros (1975-88) post, some words on his appearances in the Modern era. He was mentioned a couple of times during Series 01 and 03, but he didn't actually appear until later, in a noteworthy Series 04 adventure.

I won't mention the title of the episode in this introductory paragraph, for anyone that would prefer to enjoy the surprise reveal during a first watch-through. Personally, I feel that's the best way to experience the story, but I'll need to name it if I'm to write about it, so, as already mentioned, SPOLERS below the cut!

The Omen: Films (1976-06)

The Omen: Films (1976-06)

Dirs. Various

01. The film that single-handedly caused kids named Damien to get targeted by bullies at school throughout the 80s (and beyond?), The Omen (1976 / Dir. Richard Donner) is a 1970s suspense / horror film that relies on mood and pace to elicit a progressive sense of dread in the viewer.

Gregory Peck is utterly believable as the American Senator with an evil little shit for a son (Harvey Stephens). Throw in some horror convention, a creepy nanny, a house that lacks life, and a biblical poem and you have a classic that looks dated but still manages to shock and entertain.

In lesser roles are David Warner, Billie Whitelaw, and Patrick Troughton, all of whom are equally great. Prolific composer Jerry Goldsmith's musical score adds an extra layer of palpable eeriness.

Black Diamond (1983-84)

Black Diamond (1983-84)

Author: Various | Illustrators: Various | 5 Issues, approx 34 pages each

"Don't panic! I just want your outfit!"

A short-lived comicbook that presents itself as a movie tie-in, albeit one that launched before the movie it's supposed to tie-in with. So far so good, but the onscreen version never happened, so the comic is all we have to give us an idea of what the movie's story might've been like. (I've added a few promo shots of lead actress Sibyl Danning in costume at the post's end, for anyone interested.)

The basic premise is as follows: Tiana Matthews is a successful fashion model for Multmonde, a role that sees her traverse borders for fashion shoots, etc. But secretly, Tiana is also an agent for INFO COM THREE, a role that sees her traverse borders for spy antics and action shootouts, etc. Her code name in the second scenario is Black Diamond. [1]

Her greatest enemy is an international crime cartel known as QUANSA. If you're thinking that sounds kinda like James Bond and SPECTRE, then your thinking is correct. It's spy fiction with gadgets and ridiculous world-domination plans.

Lone Wolf and Cub: Original Films (1972-74)

Lone Wolf and Cub: Original Films (1972-74)

Dirs. Kenji Misumi [Films 1,2,3,5] / Buichi Saitô [Film 4] / Yoshiyuki Kuroda [Film 6]

Sometimes referred to as the 'Baby Cart' series, the six Lone Wolf and Cub films tell the story of a skilled ronin-for-hire named Ogami Ittō, played by Tomisaburo Wakayama. When not dishing out vicious and bloody samurai action to the people that deserve it, Ittō wheels his young son Daigoro (Akihiro Tomikawa) from place to place in an iconic wooden baby cart.

Characterised by extreme violence, minimal dialogue, and highly stylised framing that closely resembles the manga they're based on, the films have a well-deserved place in Chanbara history.

The three-disc Criterion collection (pictured) contains the six original films on Blu-ray, restored at 2K from the OCNs. [1]

Discs 01 and 02 have three films apiece, while Disc 03 contains bonus features. Thoughts on each individual film can be found below the cut. Disc 03 also contains the English language dubbed Shogun Assassin (1980), which I'll cover at the end, for completeness sake. [2]

Sonatine (1993)

Sonatine (1993)

Dir. Takeshi Kitano

Another great Takeshi Kitano film, again written, directed, edited by, and starring the Japanese auteur. He plays a mid-level Yakuza member named Murakawa who isn't afraid to speak out against his peers, when he speaks at all, that is. He communicates only when he feels it necessary, distanced from the bravado and bluster associated with the role.

Under orders from his superior, he dutifully but begrudgingly joins a small group that's sent to Okinawa to aid a dispute between clan allies. Whilst there, they end up with some free time on their hands. What do city Yakuza do at a beach town when they get bored?  Not what you'd expect, perhaps.

Violence and absurd hilarity trade places in some typically Kitano moments and the emotional heart of the film surfaces and hits hard. It's not a comedy, don't misunderstand, but there are some subjectively piss-inducing funny events. Music is again by Joe Hisaishi and does an equally fine job at characterising.

Neverwhere (1996)

Neverwhere (1996)

Dir. Dewi Humphreys | 6 episodes, approx 30 minutes each.

Richard Mayhew (Gary Bakewell) is a nice-guy Scotsman who lives and works in London. His fiancée is an asshole. His friends are assholes. If Richard could meet the criteria that he believes constitutes success, then in time he'd become just another city asshole, too.

But instead he meets Door (Laura Fraser), a young woman in need of the kind of help that he in his privileged position is able to offer.

Richard becomes aware of London Below, an underworld with its own laws, both societal and physical, that coexist with the London Above.

The two worlds can interact from time to time, but must inevitably return to their own individual aspects. If Richard is to help himself, then he must continue to help Door, and that means stepping into an unknown world of underground passageways, weird happenings, and (not very menacing) cut-throat assassins.

40 Years of Scream!: The Archival Collection (2024)

40 Years of Scream!: The Archival Collection (2024)

Authors: Various (inc. Alan Grant / Alan Moore / Gerry Finley-Day / John Wagner / Simon Furman | Artists: Various (inc. Brendan McCarthy / Cam Kennedy / Eric Bradbury / Jesus Redondo / José Ortiz / Mike Western) | Page Count: 464

'A torturous approval system was imposed, where pages thought editorially sound had to pass four further levels of oversight...'

Rebellion, current owners of 2000 AD and its associated media, would publish the instructions from a toilet roll if they thought they could make money from it, and then within a year or two probably republish it as part of a themed anthology, perhaps with the ingredients of some liquid hand soap to bulk out the page count, and some adverts for other upcoming collections.

On the flip side, they're rescuing some classic-era works from virtual obscurity via their Treasury of British Comics imprint and giving them a new, vibrant life on higher quality paper stock than most ever would've been given back in the day.

Masters of the Universe: The Motion Picture [Comic Adap] (1987)

Masters of the Universe: TMP (1987)

Adaptation: Ralph Macchio (from a screenplay by David Odell) | Illustrators: George Tuska (Pencil) / Art Nichols (Ink) / Evelyn Stein (Colour) | Page Count: 46

"Treachery. Suddenly Skeletor's men were everywhere. Someone must have let them through the defences."

A comic book adaptation of the MotU live action movie (1987) that's illustrated in a style comparable with the minicomics. The basic story is the largely the same, but visually it's a million times better than the live action atrocity is. The only exception is Beast Man, who, for some reason, resembles the onscreen version.

I wrote 'largely the same' because there's a few notable differences between the two. I don't know if it was author Ralph Macchio's own doing or if he was working from a screenplay that got further edited in the final cut, but the comic has some interesting scenes that the movie lacks, most of which function as much-needed characterisation and/or attempt to better connect or even remedy the levels of stupid in the story. [1]

Strings (2004)

Strings (2004)

Dir. Anders Rønnow Klarlund

There's a theory among wordsmiths that all stories that can be told have already been told and all we can do now is find new ways of telling.

The story in Strings isn't unique, but the telling is interesting. It's a fantasy movie about a world divided, acted out by puppets with visible strings. They're visible for a reason: they're a part of the world. If your Head-String is cut you die.

The puppeteers manage to elicit a lot of believable emotion out of the sculpted characters; they're less wooden than many Hollywood actors.

The imagination and sense of wonder on display is magical. Unfortunately, I only had the English language version available, otherwise I might've enjoyed it even more than I already did.

Primal: From the Cradle to the Grave (1992)

Primal: From the Cradle to the Grave (1992)

Authors: Clive Barker / Daniel G. Chichester / Erik Saltzgaber

Illustrator: John Van Fleet | Page Count: 64

'Tiny bones are cast aside, sweet suck of marrow still within. Half-masticated gristle spit out to make way for new treats.'

Fortunately, I chose to read Primal on the strength of Clive Barker's involvement and didn't read the blurb on the back until after I'd finished the book in its entirety. I recommend the same approach to anyone who may be interested in reading it because the blurb is spoilery.

In case that sounds like a recommendation, I'll jump ahead and sum up my thoughts now: it was deeply disappointing and isn't something I plan to revisit.

Barker's influence is felt chiefly at the book's beginning, in its basic themes and initial mysteries, and in how it incorporates notions of sexual desire mixed with esoteric experimentation, exploring how a hungering lust for new  experiences can open doorways to darker realms.

Class (2016)

Class (2016)

Dirs: various | 1 Season (cancelled) | 8 episodes, approx 44 mins each.

A Doctor Who offshoot targeted at the Y/A demographic. Previously, we'd had a series for children and one for 'mature' viewers, which is The Sarah Jane Adventures (2008-12) and Torchwood (2006-11), respectively, so it probably made sense to then aim for that valuable middle gap.

I'm not of that age group, so may not be able to connect directly with contemporary concerns of folks that are, but it doesn't matter to me if a story is conceptually for children, teens, or adults - if the work is well-written and/or the characters are engaging, then I can watch and enjoy it.

Class tries hard, with both its relationships and its themes, but I don't feel it's strong enough to appeal to many people outside of the 16-18 y/o audience.

But maybe it was never meant to. Maybe its goals were modest, and it was simply meant to reflect the times in which it was made, without challenging expectations too much. I don't know.

The Unholy (1988)

The Unholy (1988)

Dir. Camilo Vila

A blind-buy for me that turned out to be a lot of supernatural fun. It stars Ben Cross as a Priest named Michael who gets appointed to a New Orleans parish that has been closed for a few years, for reasons that are shown in the movie's opening scene but which I won't spoil.

Inside the church is an evil presence that strives to influence the newcomer, but Father Michael is determined to resist. Yes, it's another tale of Good vs Evil, Heaven vs Hell, etc, happening on Earth, naturally, because that's where that kind of shit nearly always goes down. 

There's often a trade-off in 1980s supernatural movies — such as good FX but bad acting, or good direction ruined by bad editing — but The Unholy does well right across the board.

My Cousin Vinny (1992)

My Cousin Vinny (1992)

Dir. Jonathan Lynn

MCV isn't bursting at the seams with plot, but it makes up for that in spades by having heaps of charm and characters worth caring about.

It’s a comedy about two young New Yorkers (Ralph Macchio and Mitchell Whitfield) who get their asses deep in trouble while driving through Alabama and end up needing a lawyer.

They get Vinny (Joe Pesci). He's a legal fish out of water, but he's got something to prove, so he throws his heart and soul into the work.

The cast are all excellent. Pesci is his usual self and perfect for the role. Marisa Tomei provides great support and tremendous sparkle. And seeing the wonderful Fred Gwynne without bolts in his neck is also a rare treat.

Uncharted: Comicbook TPB (2012)

Uncharted: Comicbook TPB (2012)

Author: Joshua Williamson | Illustrator: Sergio Sandoval | Page Court: 144

"Hey, Sully! Things are going from bad to worse out here... it's time to roll."

A six-issue miniseries based on developer Naughty Dog's video game franchise of the same name.

I enjoy the parkour, puzzle solving, and exploration aspects of the games very much and am in awe of ND's attention to detail in their world-building, but it's not a franchise that I get overly enthused about beyond that.

For people that love it more than I do, besides a few grammar slip-ups the writing, artwork, and pacing are all good, with characterisation and dialogue that's tonally about as faithful to its video game inspiration as it's possible to get in a comicbook format. All in all, it's an excellent tie-in that feels very much like a proper Uncharted adventure - minus the interactivity, of course.

Wheels of Fire (1985)

Wheels of Fire (1985)

Dir. Cirio H. Santiago.

If you're suddenly thinking of Manowar, then you have my utmost respect, but the movie predates the song by three years. Oh well; it was a pleasing thought while it lasted.

WoF is set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland scenario. With no law to stop them, many people get their kicks being total dicks towards other people. But not Trace (Gary Watkins). Trace is a man of some honour who mostly looks out for his sister Arlie (Lynda Wiesmeier).

If Mad Max rip-offs have taught me anything of value, it's that post-apoc survival requires a pair of well-worn leather kecks and a part luck / part skill ability to drive on dusty roads.

The acting is as you'd expect for this kind of thing, but the car chases are excellent; if someone was to edit them into The Road Warrior (1981) and claim it's an extended cut, then many people could be fooled.

Jeff Wayne's Musical version of TWotW: TNG (2013)

Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of TWotW: The New Generation: Alive from the 02 (2013)

Dir. Nick Morris | London 02 Arena, ?? December, 2012

Didn't I review this already, just last month? Nope. That was the Richard Burton-head on a dangling egg version. This is the Liam Neeson semi-transparent '3D holo-gimmick' version.

As before, it's a live performance of Wayne's musical adaptation of H.G. Wells' The War of the Worlds novel featuring The Black Smoke Band and the ULLAdubULLA Strings orchestra, with a large cinema screen behind them onto which is projected a mix of pre-recorded footage and CGI animation. But there are a few differences:

The CGI is better; the towering tripod ship now shoots fire; and it was recast to appeal specifically to a 'younger audience'; that last part put my 'older audience' mind on the alert. [1]

'Wayne wouldn't extend that train of thought to the music, would he?' I pondered. 'For the love of all that stands on three legs, he wouldn't mess with a classic formula just for 'younger audience' recognition, right?' But he did. Damn, he did.

Godzilla (2014) Video Game [PS3 and PS4]

Godzilla (2014) Video Game

aka Godzilla VS [Japan PS4 Version]

Genre: Fighting / Action | Players: 1 (Offline) or 2 (Online PS4 only) | Developer: Natsume Atari

The opening cinematic of the game teases action, with monsters going head to head, military responses, dramatic camera angles, and, of course, destruction on a grand scale.

The tutorial that follows is presented in a wonderfully apt way, with a grainy B+W hue that's reminiscent of the first Godzilla movie - and with Akira Ifukube's iconic music playing throughout, the tone is set in suitably dramatic fashion. All in all, it reinforces the notion that getting to play as Godzilla is going to be as good as many G fans thought it would be. [1]

But when reality hits, after just a couple of levels, it hits with a kaijū-sized thump. You may even feel your hopes crumble like a tiny model city during a giant creature brawl. I sure did.

De Niro and De Palma: The Early Films (2018)

De Niro and De Palma: The Early Films (2018)

Dir. Brian De Palma (obviously).

When I plan to cover a sizable portion of a director's filmography, like I do with Brian De Palma, I prefer to start with the earliest one that I own and move forward chronologically. The pictured box set contains three such works. Each one also stars actor Robert De Niro.

01. Greetings (1968) is a satirical 'comedy' about three men trying to avoid getting drafted into the Vietnam War and is De Niro's first screen credit on a full-length feature film.

As a fan of the director's more dramatic works, from Sisters (1972) onwards, it was interesting to experience his developing working method and spot references to things that would evolve into career defining traits, but the film itself was a struggle for me to sit through.

The Pocket Book of Boosh (2009)

The Pocket Book of Boosh (2009)

Author: Various (inc. Noel Fielding & Julian Barratt) | Page Count: 304

"…prose so taught you can feel the veins."

If you liked The Mighty Boosh TV Series, then you'll probably like The Pocket Book of Boosh. Provided you like tie-in books and can read English text.

If you can't read, don't fret, there are pictures. It even has a comic book featuring Rudy and Spider.

The content is exactly the same as The Mighty Book of Boosh, which came first, and was bigger. This one came second, and is smaller.

I shit you not.

That's as complicated as it gets.

NOTE: You don't actually need to have pockets.

Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of TWotW: Alive on Stage (2006)

Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of TWotW: Alive on Stage (2006)

Dir. David Mallet | Filmed at Wembley Arena, 25th April, 2006.

A live stage production of Wayne's adaptation, featuring actors / performers, a full band, and a small orchestra conducted by Wayne himself.

It begins with a v/o by the Martians, all of whom are fluent in the English language. It'll be helpful to anyone not already familiar with the album or original story, but it's not something that I enjoyed, personally. For me, the true beginning is when the Richard Burton narration comes in:

"No one would have believed, in the last years of the 19th Century, that human affairs were being watched from the timeless worlds of space..."

Speaking of Burton, the production features a weird, disembodied projection of the actor's head, floating high above the 'stage right' side.

Spawn: The Movie - Comic Book Adaptation (1997)

Spawn: The Movie (1997)

Adaptation: Ted Adams (from an original story by Mark Dippé + Alan McElroy) | Artist: Carlos D'Anda | Page Count:48

"Each time you go out there, you come back a little more dead inside."

A comic book adaptation of the Spawn movie that in some ways is better than the shit that spawned it.

The first few pages tell of the ongoing battle between Heaven and Hell, and how a demon named Malebolgia requires a leader for his army on Earth, which is where our antihero Al Simmons comes in. A black ops killer for a shady organisation, Al develops something akin to a conscience and begins to lose control of his life.

At just 48 pages it moves stupid-fast, like a Marvel comic from the 90s, leaving a lot of potentially interesting stuff underdeveloped; e.g., the quote above foreshadows a deeply ironic quality that's barely touched upon, and we get no time to know Al before he's thrust into his second life, so the contrast is lost.

Terry and Wanda get even less characterisation. Wynn is a cookie cutter egomaniac, while Cagliostro, who seems to come from nowhere, functions as a standard 'exposition' guy.

Dogora (1964)

aka Giant Space Monster Dogora (1964)

Dir. Ishirō Honda

The mystery of disappearing television satellites in Earth's orbit, strange happenings at street level, and a detective hunting a well-organised group of diamond thieves would seem to be independent events to most onlookers, but in a daikaijū movie such things rarely are...

The alien creature, which resembles something from the ocean depths, isn't just attacking Japan, but they have a respected doctor who's researching something related, so they're better equipped to discover its weakness.

There's nothing particularly special or memorable about the film, so while it may be of interest to genre fans due to the creative talent involved (Ishirō Honda, Eiji Tsuburaya, and Akira Ifukube), it's one that casual fans can probably safely skip.

Apparitions (2008)

Apparitions (2008)

Dirs: Joe Ahearne [1,2,5,6] / John Strickland [3,4] | 6 episodes, approx 56 mins each.

Father Jacob Myers (Martin Shaw) examines evidence of miracles for an institution that considers itself earthly protectors and purveyors of the word and will of God, i.e., the Catholic Church. His findings help determine who does or doesn't get canonised as a Christian Saint.

While investigating the claims of a young trainee [pre-ordination] priest (Elyes Gabel), Father Jacob discovers what he believes to be an actual demonic possession. His actions thereafter lead him to uncover something even more troubling, which may affect his own future role.

I watched Apparitions solely because it starred Martin Shaw, who played the titular inspector in the George Gently TV Series (2007–17) that I'd finished and thoroughly enjoyed a few nights before. Shaw was excellent as Gently, and he was good as Father Myers, too, but the miniseries didn't come close to satisfying my 'evening viewing' time in the way that Gently had.

The Masters of the Universe Book (2021)

The Masters of the Universe Book (2021)

Author: Simon Beecroft | Page Count: 200

A large format hardcover book (24 x 28 cm, aprrox) published by Dorling Kindersley Ltd.

I've owned plenty of DK books over the years, covering various topics and/or franchises. They typically have lots of quality pictures, in an attempt to detract from the shortage of interesting text. And like a lazy student's homework assignment, in some cases the text that is included is regurgitated content with little emphasis on original thinking.

I expected much the same from The MotU Book, but no, it's really quite good! Author Simon Beecroft seems to have actually cared about what he was writing, and has presented the content in a clear and concise manner. 

It has some real treasures within its pages that make it feel like it was lovingly curated, as opposed to thrown together like many DK books of the past. It's split into chapters, as you'd expect, and within that framework things roughly follow a chronological order.

Bathory: Albums (1984-87)

Bathory: Albums (1984-87)

It seems that I've not made a single post about Bathory yet! That oversight will now be rectified. In short: No Bathory = No Black Metal.

That's just a widespread opinion that I share, not an established fact.

I know that Venom managed to coin the phrase two years prior, but it took the genius of Bathory's Quorthon (Tomas Forsberg) to turn the phrase into something more than just playful word association; Quorthon gave it life. Bathory shits on Venom from a great height after a week-long diet of prunes and porridge - metal prunes and substantially heavy porridge.

If you're a Venom fan and want to counter by saying that perhaps No Venom = No Bathory, then I won't argue because the jury is (and likely always will be) out on that. But to me, Venom are like Spinal Tap with studded wristbands, in comparison. Bathory is a Storm of Damnation, a Wind of Mayhem, etc.

Dredd: The Illustrated Script and Visuals (2014)

Dredd: The Illustrated Script and Visuals (2014)

Author: Alex Garland  |  Illustrator: Jock  |  Page Count: 240

"You were shit out of luck when you ran into the Ma-Ma clan."

If there'd been a poll asking what people would like to see in a book titled 'Illustrated Script and Visuals', everything that's already included would be on my list. As someone who enjoys reading Dredd comics, screenplays, and can happily waste an hour studying concept art, it seems almost tailor-made.

On the left hand pages is Garland's script, laid out in the usual format. It's also where you'll find trivia, concept art depicting various stages of evolution and full colour production stills, not all of which were used in the final version (unused hall of justice, judge badges, etc), with brief passages of text describing what each one is and how it fits into the overall structure. It's the 'Visuals' half of the book.

36 (2004)

36 (2004)

aka: The 36 / 36 Quai des Orfèvres

Dir. Olivier Marchal

Two of France's finest male actors go head to head in a gritty, violent police thriller based partly on Dir. Marchal's time in the police force.

Detective Léo Vrinks (Daniel Auteuil), a man with many friends and solid bonds, is head of the BRI, a team who look out for each other and cover each other's backs when needed.

In contrast, detective Denis Klein (Gérard Depardieu), head of the BRB, is a man with no true friends, having alienated everyone who ever got close to him, and doing a good job of preventing anyone new from trying the same.

While both men hold the same rank within the same organisation, they're in different departments. And while one follows the law when it suits him, the other makes his own law.

A series of violent armoured car heists put the duo in an awkward position, requiring some tough decision making. The two men each want to be first to solve the case, but for different reasons.