The Chronicles of Narnia: Live Action Films (2005-10)

The Chronicles of Narnia: Live Action Films

Dirs. Andrew Adamson (Films I + II) / Michael Apted (Film III)

01. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005). Aside from a few minor changes and a couple of newly written action scenes — because it's Hollywood and they just can't help themselves — the WMG + Disney version of C.S. Lewis' beloved children's novel is better than I expected it to be.

The first third is excellent, including each of the young actors. Lucy (Georgie Henley) is particularly good, in that she successfully embodies the sense of wonder that a child should feel after finding another world in the back of an old wardrobe.

Things only really begin to slide when the talking CGI animals appear. The great lion Aslan should have a splendour that eclipses all else, but his being rendered in boring CGI most of the time means that he might as well not be there at all.

The unnecessary use of such across the board is a stain on what I feel is otherwise the best filmed version of the novel, to date.

At the Earth's Core (1976)

At the Earth's Core (1976)

Dir. Kevin Connor

A subterranean fiction story in which a senescent British scientist (Peter Cushing) and his American sponsor (Doug McClure) tunnel through a hill in a Jules Verne-esque contraption dubbed the Iron Mole, which would be a good name for an album by a stoner doom band, if it isn't one already.

The duo go way off course and end up far beneath the Earth's crust, wholly unprepared for the dodgy FX that they find there.

The draw for me was Cushing and Caroline Munro, but he'd little of value to do and she disappeared for about half of the movie.

The bizarre flora was fun, but the fauna was bad. The rubber-suit flying things could've had some menace if the lighting had worked in their favour, but it was bad, too. Overall, the movie was a bag 'o shite, even by Amicus standards. It was just about worth it to hear Cushing say, "You cannot mesmerise me, I'm British!" right before getting totally mesmerised.

Alice in Chains: Dirt (1992)

Alice in Chains: Dirt (1992)

It's impossible to put into words the connection I feel with Dirt. It was released in September '92, and by the following year I was obsessed with it.

For a multitude of reasons, '93 was a hugely pivotal year of my life. The shit that occurred in that 12 month period influenced my life's course everyday thereafter. It's been 30+ years since then, but the album is still as important to me now. I consider it a masterpiece, without question and without equal in the 'Grunge' genre.

It's a fairly long album, not far off an hour, but the cohesive musicianship and quality song-writing is of such a high standard that it never drags its heels. By comparison, the band's previous full-length album, Facelift (1990), had a shorter runtime but felt longer.

The Midwich Cuckoos (1957)

The Midwich Cuckoos (1957)

Author: John Wyndham | Page Count: 241

"You know, my dear, while it's proper for us to be concerned, the responsibility for a remedy isn't ours. If it ever was, and that is highly questionable, the authorities took it away from us a long time ago."

Wikipedia classes the 1950s as a 'transitional period' in the history of science-fiction literature, sitting between the 'Pulp' of the 20s and 30s and the 'New Wave' that gained popularity in the 1960s and 70s. It may lack a classy name, but the 50s wasn't short of genre classics.

Isaac Asimov's I, Robot (1950) and its first two sequels; Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 (1953); Arthur C. Clarke's Childhood's End (1953), Alfred Bester's The Stars My Destination (1956); and Wyndham's own The Day of the Triffids (1951) are some examples. Sci-fi literature fans will probably recognise them all.

I don't feel that The Midwich Cuckoos is quite as good as most of the books mentioned above, but it's certainly worthy to occupy a shelf directly adjacent them, as its enduring popularity proves.

The Lost World + Return to the Lost World (1992)

The Lost World + Return to the Lost World (1992)

Dir. Timothy Bond

One of my favourite books as a child was a 1981 Ladybird Children's Classics edition of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World (1912).

It was a small hardcover edition, heavily abridged (52 pp) with storybook illustrations by Martin Aitchison throughout. I must've read it at least 40 times over the years. The edition I had came with an audio cassette of someone reading the book aloud, with music and sound FX at appropriate times - meaning everyone in the household could 'enjoy' my reading of it, too.

It didn't birth a lifelong love of dinosaurs, which is something that many kids from my generation have, but it did contribute to a lifelong love of books and of storytelling, in general.

That in itself is reason enough for me to want to feature the story on the blog in some capacity.  I chose a movie version, for reasons. And for additional reasons, it was the 1992 version.

Alice Cooper: Welcome to My Nightmare (1975)

Alice Cooper: Welcome to My Nightmare (1975)

Alice's masterpiece began life as a concept album. It deviated somewhat from the original idea, but, personally, I still regard it as one due to how well its individual parts complement each other, despite their obvious compositional differences. It's like a painting in musical form, layered with vibrant textures and blurred lines that when followed lead back upon themselves.

Not all songs flow into each other effortlessly, but the order in which they're arranged is so deeply ingrained in my mind after decades of listening and re-examination that to remove or shuffle one would ruin the unifying essence that makes each one work alongside its neighbour.

Chariots of the Gods (1970)

Chariots of the Gods (1970 / 2021)

Dir. Harald Reinl

A documentary based upon Erich von Däniken's 1968 book of the same name, a work that was regarded as little more than supposition and pseudoscience by most of the scientific community. Likewise, Dir. Harald Reinl's film also lacks credible evidence to support the claims, but it's more enjoyable than its dog-shit cover might imply.

It posits that aliens may have had a hand in constructing many of the world's most famous ancient landmarks, such as the pyramids in Egypt and the statues of Easter Island.

The claims are often presented as heavily weighed suggestions or questions designed to encourage viewers to arrive at their own conclusions, but the hope is clearly that any such conclusions will be congruous with that of the filmmaker's own. For while it lacks evidence to prove that aliens did contribute, it also shows that we can't prove they didn't.

Regardless of which side of the extra-terrestrial fence you reside on, the documentary has some great footage of both the natural world and its people. The 50th Anniversary Edition (2021) is a new 2K scan from the OCN. That it was released in the 51st year seems entirely fitting.

The Cell (2000)

The Cell (2000)

Dir. Tarsem Singh

J-Lo dives into the mind of a very mentally disturbed, comatose serial killer (Vincent D'Onofrio) hoping to convince him to take her seriously now that she's an actress in a real, genuine, honest to grud film! If she fails to reach and reason with him in time, someone dies.

It's aged badly (or maybe that's me?), and is shallower than it pretends to be — step in it and your toes will barely get wet — but the movie has a few memorable moments, most of which come from D'Onofrio, who has an intensely overbearing cinematic presence. Without him it would be little more than a bunch of pretty moving pictures attached to a plot that draws from The Silence of the Lambs (1991) movie.

Visually, it's both bad and good: the CGI is awful, but many of the visual and optical effects are pretty wonderful, with a surreal quality that on occasion seemed inspired by the likes of the Quay Brothers; there's a tiny bit of Lynch, too.

Assassin's Creed (2016)

Assassin's Creed (2016)

Dir. Justin Kurzel

Besides the goal of making lorryloads of cash for its producers, game developer Ubisoft was probably hoping that the live action Ass Creed film would entice lorryloads more people to check out their long-running game series, which in turn would increase profits there, too. Anything is possible, I suppose, even when the movie they hoped would sway people is a 125 million dollar turd.

Given that it might be someone's introduction to the world, I'll mention how it presents itself, rather than how it translates its source to the screen. But in that respect, it's dire.

It begins in Spain, 1492. We meet Aguilar de Nerha (Michael Fassbender), a member of the Assassins Brotherhood, a secretive group who are collectively at war with the Templars. The Assassins fight for individual freedoms and expression, whereas the Templars seek to control society through imposed order.

Something Wicked This Way Comes: Authorized Adaptation (2011)

SWTWC: The Authorized Adaptation (2011)

Author: Ray Bradbury | Illustrator: Ron Wimberly | Page Count: 144

'She was blind, yes, but special blind. Just as they felt that balloon sift down like an autumn rain, so she could feel their souls. Each soul, a vast warm fingerprint.'

A comic book adaptation of Ray Bradbury's novel. I reviewed it a decade ago (HERE), so I won't go over the plot again. I'll focus solely on whether or not I feel the adaptation is successful. The short answer is yes, it mostly is. It retains a lot more descriptive language than is normal for a graphic novel, but that's a good thing because that's where the magic really happens in Bradbury's prose. His worldbuilding is often more beautifully realised than his dialogue.

The narrative accentuates the differences in the two boys more than the novel did, but that was necessary so that the second half of the story could do its job properly in a shorter space of time.

Vytor: The Starfire Champion (1989)

Vytor: The Starfire Champion (1989)

Dir. Tom Burton | 4 episodes, approx 22 mins each.

A short-lived animated Children's TV Series that might've gained a decent following if it hadn't been cancelled after only four episodes. It's not packed with originality — it reminded me of ThunderCats and Masters of the Universe often, particularly in the way it blends high fantasy and science fiction tech — but it's not completely derivative, either.

The hero is Vytor, a youth with aspirations of becoming protector of his village and its people, a group with an indigenous connection to the natural world, and whose technology is pre-industrial.

The backstory for the series goes something like this: seventeen years prior our introduction to Vytor (Michael Horton), a trio of big-wigs had a falling out, resulting in three separate Kingdoms.

Ninja Scroll (1993)

Ninja Scroll (1993)

Dir. Yoshiaki Kawajiri

I don't understand why Ninja Scroll is so named. It has a ninja — actually, it has lots of ninjas — but what's the scroll part about? Fuctifino. But what I know for certain is that when it comes to 90s era anime movies, NS is a classic. I've watched it a dozen times over the years and it impresses me every time. It isn't packed with plot like, for example, Akira (1988) or Ghost in the Shell (1995) are, but it has a visceral quality that many of its genre imitators failed to capture. [1]

Somehow, the historical setting enhances the fantastical elements, even though logic says they ought to be at odds with each other. A similar kind of complementary contrariety surrounds the two main characters: a skilled swordsman named Jubei, and a female Kōga ninja named Kagero, who has a special, hidden, devastating talent.

The villains, known as the Eight Devils of Kimon, are a peculiar bunch of freaks with unusual powers, and are all the more memorable for it.

The Martian Chronicles: The Authorized Adaptation (2011)

The Martian Chronicles: The Authorized Adaptation (2011)

Author: Ray Bradbury | Illustrators: Dennis Calero / Joe St. Pierre / Josh Adams / James Smith | Page Count: 160

"All the things which had uses. All the mountains which had names. We'll give them new names, but the old names are there, somewhere in time..."

A comic book adaptation of one of Bradbury's most famous works. I'm not going to give a synopsis of story or outline specific themes because I've covered the novel previously. This is about the comic version only, and it'll be brief because I wouldn't recommend a reading to anyone who isn't a huge Bradbury fan.

The book contains an introduction for those that haven't read the source text, from the author himself, detailing the genesis of the original novel, which is vital information if you're to understand the passage of time and the contradictions in some of the stories.

What it neglects to mention, however, is that the adaptation is incomplete. It wouldn't have been possible to fit every story into the limited page count, but some of the exclusions are essential and defining parts of the overall work and their removal weakens it, unquestionably. For those that care, the omissions are listed below the cut:

Chocky Trilogy: TV Miniseries (1984-86)

Chocky Trilogy: TV Miniseries (1984-86)

01. Chocky (1984) | 6 eps, approx 25 mins each is a children's TV drama adapted from the 1968 novel of the same name by John Wyndham.

The series is set in 1980s Britain, and features a young boy named Matthew Gore (Andrew Ellams) who's contacted by the titular Chocky, a highly intelligent extra-terrestrial being.

Chocky speaks only to Matthew, using him to ask unusual questions of the adults. The change in his behaviour soon draws attention to the boy.

I first watched it as a child myself, of about ten or eleven-years-old. It was intriguing and somewhat frightening, and because of that combination it stayed in my memory as I grew older. Since then I've assimilated so much sci-fi that the basic concept no longer seems particularly fresh, but viewing it from an adult perspective, sympathising for the first time with the parents of young Matthew as well as Matthew himself, gave me a whole different insight into what the series was actually about.

Lone Wolf and Cub: Omnibus Editions (2013-16)

LW+C: Omnibus Editions (2013-16)

Author: Kazuo Koike | Illustrator: Goseki Kojima | Page Count: LOTS! [1]

"Good fortune and ill, twisted together like a rope..."

The Railway Children (1970)

The Railway Children (1970)

Dir. Lionel Jeffries

Children's Classics - each generation will find qualifying examples from its own era, but some stories are rediscovered time and again.

In Britain The Railway Children, based on Edith Nesbit's 1906 novel, is an enduring classic from yesteryear that never goes away; nor would I want it to. Set in Edwardian times, it's about a mother (Dinah Sheridan) and her three privileged "suburban children", Roberta, Phyllis, and Peter.

They're forced to move from their comfortable townhouse to a country villa in Yorkshire and live a poor life, without a father. Whilst there, they befriend a proud but kind-hearted station porter named Mr Perks (Bernard Cribbins). 

It's simple in construction but remains as welcome and warming today as it was all those decades ago. The lesson that kindness isn't dependent on social status or material riches is perfectly woven into every relevant part. The ending is a little mawkish, but the journey toward it is direct and smooth, like the train tracks that carry the focus of the faithful children's good nature into their collective midst.

Bathory: Albums (1988-91)

Bathory: Albums (1988-91)

I once heard someone describe the Blood Fire Death (1988) album as a collection of quality songs. The description is certainly valid, but it's also a vast understatement of the truth. BFD is a ground-breaking, momentous human achievement, the importance of which cannot be overstressed. Like the eponymous début album, it delivered something unprecedented that made everyone else sit up and take notice.

The thundering intro, the use of acoustics, the Viking symbolism, the choirs, the cleaner vocals, the pounding drums, the torturing wail of the electric guitars, the Pure Fucking Armageddon heaviness of it all was something that the world hadn't experienced before. In short, it changed the face of metal and made Quorthon a living legend.

The Enshitification Continues...

For future me - a marker I can see without being signed in. Now with illustrative cat.

4th Quarter 2025 🐫

Lone Wolf and Child: Assassin on the Road to Hell (1989)

LWaC: Assassin on the Road to Hell (1989)

Dir. Tokuzô Tanaka

Tanaka's film attempts to tell the entire Lone Wolf and Cub story in just 140 minutes, which is an insane undertaking. Nevertheless, it's a valiant attempt and an enjoyable evening's viewing for samurai fans.

Hideki Takahashi stars as the Shogun's one-time executioner, Ōgami Ittō. He does a damned good job at it, able to show compassion when the situation calls for it, but just the right amount because too much might compromise his stoic attitude. He's also deft enough with the dōtanuki to be believable.

Young Daigoro is played by Koji Aeba. It's a wholly subjective view, but for me young kids in Japanese films tend to be much less irritating than young kids are in most American films. Daigoro isn't just a third wheel in the Lone Wolf story, or some kind of amusing gimmick, he's an integral part of the tale and, thankfully, while Koji was likely too young to understand the importance of what he was asked to do onscreen, he at least carried it without fault and without ever being irritating. GJ, kid.

Supernatural: Season 07 (2012)

Supernatural: Season 07 (2012)

23 episodes, approx 42 mins each.

My hope going into Season 07 was that it would be an improvement over Season 06,  even just enough to lift the series out of the shit-heap that showrunner Sera Gamble had put it in, but I don't feel that that happened.

A large part of the reason is the new ongoing threat, first mentioned in the season opener.

Known as Leviathans, the carnivorous bitey things (as pictured on the cover art) were created by God before even the Angels, but for reasons that I won't go into were imprisoned in a holding place that was made just for them. Naturally, they find a way through into the world  of humans. And that's as good as that particular story arc gets.