Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)

Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)

Dir. Robert Wise

TOS's transition from TV to big screen certainly was spectacular, but not in a good way - it was a spectacular disaster. By making the established world more cinematic, the warmth and personality of the TV Series was severely compromised.

Often referred to as 'The Motionless Picture' affectionately by fans and from the opposite viewpoint by haters, writer Alan Dean Foster's final draft (screenplay by Harold Livingston) forgets that it's supposed to be Star Trek.

The final product is closer to the cold and clinical end of the science-fiction spectrum, the kind that puts its emphasis on science over characters.

That approach is fine in theory, but TOS has always worked best when its characters were put up front; I feel it's more relatable, and therefore more successful, that way. I'd even go so far as to argue that it's the human/emotional side of things that really defines Star Trek, at least for me.

The amusing name change isn't just a clever play on words, it's an apt description of the pace at which the snooze-fest moves. It's the dullest 132 minutes that I've ever spent in the TOS universe. A cubic inch of empty space contains more atmosphere.

I accept that many fans will want to see the majestic exterior of the newly refitted Enterprise, but the lengthy space dock flyby scenes are like a celluloid sedative. The plodding pace means that the ship's departure from dock doesn't happen until approximately 35 minutes into the running time. The "boldly go" is more of a 'bloody slow' than anything else.

Kirk: "Why does everyone have the Command insignia? Are they after my job?!"

The same feeling applies to the many meandering establishing shots within the luminous cloud that surrounds "the intruder". What little sense of urgency and/or threat that was left after the pace-killing wormhole slog dissipates completely as Dir. Robert Wise's camera crawls half-dead through FX energy storms and a pulsing orifice. Reaffirming that the non-threatening threat is so vast that its edges can hardly been seen was arguably unnecessary by that stage, but creating a sense of scale certainly doesn't have to result in a sense of monotony, too.

I'll bullet the rest of what I have left to say, so that I can get to re-watching the best of the TOS films as soon as possible, namely Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982).

• The occasional use of a split lens keeping both foreground and background in focus, mostly on the bridge, was a bold and interesting addition.
• Lighting often worked in the story's favour, adding weight to otherwise bland scenes.
• The tragic romance that was supposed to have us weeping into our popcorn was given to characters that had little screen time, had no passion whatsoever, and arguably not much acting skill, rendering their meaningful resolution utterly forgettable.
• There may have been a legitimate technical reason for changing the iconic uniform colours, I don't know, but the alternatives chosen lacked personality.
• Bones rocks a beard!
• It was good to see Nurse Chapel (now an MD) included.
• Stiletto heels on a Starship, Lt. Ilia... Really? Are they standard issue? I think not.
• The Motion Picture could've worked better if it was half the length and didn't have the expectations that a film with the Enterprise crew in it carries. As it stands, it's merely a lustreless sci-fi film, but a terrible Star Trek film.

On a side note, reportedly author Ray Bradbury offered to write a treatment of the story! It might not have worked either, because I don't think anyone could've saved the story from itself, but I'd love to have seen Bradbury's attempt come to fruition, or even just as a screenplay.

Kirk: "Captain Decker, do you like the new uniforms?"

Decker: "No, sir. The ridiculous half-belt thing confuses me."