Tomb Raider: Movies (2001-18)

Tomb Raider: Movies (2001-18)

Dirs. Simon West (I) / Jan de Bont (II) / Roar Uthaug (III)

01. Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) is a typical summer actioner, but unlike some other video game adaptations it at least makes an effort to reference its origins: the Manor, exotic locations, impossible jumps that require crucial timing, puzzle solving, and dual-wielding gun-play are all reminiscent of the games that inspired it.

Unfortunately, it also carries over some of its parent genre's failings, including a feeling that the person directing the non-playable bits hasn't got much of a clue about how to construct and pace a successful action scene. That's particularly true for the opening, but, thankfully, things gradually get better as the movie goes on.

The story is a globe-trotting adventure born from the pursuits and hobbies of the super-rich (on both sides of the equation). It's basic stuff.

Angelina Jolie (lips + tits) isn't a dead ringer for Lara, but she's not too far removed, either, and was somewhat believable as an action star at the time. It would've made sense to cast a British actress to play the role, but that kind of logic is perhaps too much to ask of the suits that front the money for this kind of thing. You might as well ask an inbred dog not to lick its own nuts.

A pre-James Bond Daniel Craig (shirtless + clueless) gives support as a rival treasure hunter, but is utterly forgettable. The same adjective applies to the main antagonist (Illuminati adjutant), a cookie-cutter villain whose name I've forgotten already, just over two hours after viewing.

Set dressings and practical FX hold up pretty well. Conversely, it'll come as no shock to many folks to learn that the decades old CGI looks like shit.

02. Lara Croft: Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (2003). A second dose of continent-hopping nonsense offers up a 'sunken temple' and 'underwater level' Lara for your arousal.

What it doesn't provide is any kind of engagement factor beyond whatever lure the character's name still held for video game fans at the time - much of which evaporated a month later when Core Design dropped the turd that was The Angel of Darkness onto consoles.

It has a shallow love interest subplot and another main villain (Ciarán Hinds) who's utterly lame.

If 'success' for the two Lara Croft: Tomb Raider movies was measured by how much they resemble an actual Tomb Raider video game, then they'd probably be considered a minor triumph due to having badly written dialogue and for how each new location feels like a new level or stage with its own unique ancient temple / cavern / tomb for Lara to rob and then destroy.

But if you judge them as storytelling experiences that ask for a viewer's suspension of disbelief and rewards them accordingly — which is a basic distillation of a what an action movie strives to do — then they fail at almost every turn. The one notable exception is that Jolie sometimes manages to make Lara appear strong even when placed in an emotionally vulnerable position.

03. Tomb Raider (2018) was a reboot of the TR licence inspired by the events of the 2013 video game, that was itself a reboot of the franchise. It has a younger, less experienced Lara (Alicia Vikander) setting out on her first real adventure, in search of her missing father (Dominic West).

It attempts to make her more relatable than the upper-class lass with the bottomless bank-balance that we had before, but the 'working girl' scenes that open the film are genuinely awful.

Thereafter it's as bland and workmanlike as the reboot of the game was. In fact, it's measurably worse because the game at least had a level of interactivity to detract from the uninspired storytelling and prosaic personality of its leading lady. It's not surprising it didn't get a sequel.

To date, a definitive Tomb Raider movie has yet to be made. The franchise may currently resemble a crumpled rag-doll video game protagonist after falling from the same damn ledge for the umpteenth time, but Lara Croft is an iconic character, so it's likely that someone will reboot it again someday - if not on the big screen then as a steaming miniseries. That's if they haven't done so already. I don't keep track of their acquisitions. I just hope it isn't Netflix or Disney.